Satuday December 28, 1991
9:40 on my couch
Me and Ericka were home for about 10 minutes when James and Michelle came over. Michelle told Ericka that Jill and Bill had gotten into a car accident on Christmas Eve. Bill was killed instantly and Jill was in critical condition at Sacred Heart hospital.

She’s still in a coma. Ericka is really freaked over all this. I can understand. I’ve never lost a close friend and neither had she, before this. She’s been up to see Jill everyday since we’ve been home. We all keep praying for her.

Thursday January 2, 1992
11:48am (fri?) on the couch
This year began bad. Jill died on the 31st. She was pronounced brain dead. But from what I understand she died on her own. It’s been a long couple of days.

Betty stayed over last night. We had a lot of fun playing Scattergories (which I finally bought, obviously) and Taboo. Tonight we went to see “Father of the Bride”and then to Heckles after. We just got home. We’ve been trying to keep Betty’s mind occupied. Today I got my $200 Christmas money. I bought books by John Irving and dishes.

Tomorrow is Jill’s wake and the funeral is Saturday. It’s going to be tough. I want to write Jill a poem, but I’m too tired.

Tuesday January 7, 1991
11:21pm watching “Newhart”
Well, a lot has happened since last.

On a day of mourning, we celebrated. Jill’s wake was on Jan. 3rd, the day we celebrated Tracy’s birthday. The wake and the funeral were incredibly painful. Seeing all those young people so upset, and then they are all trying to act mature and comfort each other.

Even after the funeral, I still find it hard to believe she’s dead. These kinds of things aren’t supposed to happen to us. Even though it’s been a week since Jill died and I still keep thinking that I’ll wake up any minute and tell Ericka about what a bizarre dream I had.

It all just seems so unfair. Jill never hurt anyone. It’s really hard to conceive that she is no longer living, breathing and laughing. I just can’t imagine something like this happening. Did she feel and think when she died? Was she in her body in the casket? What happens when we die? after? as? is there a heaven? What’s it like? All fluffy and white and pure? Or is it just like life going on as usual? Do you act liuke normal or do you become “saint-like?”

It really scare me. I want to know. How does Jill feel? Does she feel? Is everyone friends? Do you know everyone? Or is she lonesome. If she does does she miss earth? Can she see us?

I keep keep wondering.

I worry about her– more now that she has died than when she was alive. I hope she’s happy and not lonely. I foten wonder if Ericka and eeryone else thinks about her as much as I do. And when I don’t think about her — I begin to feel guilty.

her funeral was really sad. The Rev was a complete imbecile. he made it sound like all her friends were losers. he kept mentioning about staring down at her lifeless body.

The hardest part — I bawled through the whole thing– was seeing the pallbearers. Those boys trying so hard to be brave and honorable.

Sunday I took the girls to see “My Girl.” I bawled through the last half of the movie.

A couple of weeks ago I was hoping something would happen so I would get my mind off Derek. Well, something did happen– unfortuneately. I would rather of had a boring holiday. much rather preferred that.