i want to chicken out. i keep formulating game plans in my head. “i’ll just tell everyone the class was cancelled.” “i’ll just pretend like i’m going and i love it and i won’t really go.” “i’ll just say i hated it and i’m never going back.”

why are new things so scary? i’m afriad i’ll be late. i’m afraid i’ll get there too early. i’m afraid i won’t have anyone to talk to and i’ll just feel like crying the entire time. i’m afriad i won’t find a place to park,

i’m afraid i won’t know what to write. i’m afraid all the words will run and hide. i’m afraid i’m gonna vomit.

i have to leave in an hour, i hope i don’t scare myself to death by then.