snarky girl

i find myself compelled to buy domains for each facet of my personality. not that i’d use them, mind you, just that i want them. i mean, i’ve already got bittersweetheart that’s supposed to be thoughtful and reflective and it’s mostly ignored. because i’m not so good with the follow-through all the time.

but today i am raging. RAGING. angry, anger a burning boulder lodged in the middle of me. it hurts my face to smile. i want to lash out and hurt people today. i want to scream and yell. i want, i want, i want. i want to cuss and get drunk. i want to go to sleep and wake up and be better tomorrow. i want to pinch people. the kind of pinches that hurt for like five minutes after you stop pinching.

today my eyes squirt poison and i have to be oddly quiet lest i say something i can’t take back when i’m back to my old self. and really, though i am angry, i don’t want to hurt anyone. i just want to be mean, in my head.

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5 Comments

  1. Kevin 12.May.03 at 3:19 pm

    Get thee to some Silly Putty. I’ve been whomping the hell out of mine the past week or so. There’s something weirdly therapeutic about kneading a big ball of silly putty. If you want stylish colors, go to Thinkgeek and get some Smart Mass – same stuff, weird colors.

  2. Thomas 12.May.03 at 3:42 pm

    Clay is fun too; You can make voodoo heads of people at work and when they come to ask you something or bring you something they “wrote for you”, you can whomp them while they watch, then turn to them slowly and ask “WHAT?!?” with a “I’m going to rip out your spine and suck out the marrow” smile.

    Run on sentences are fun when you connect them with puntuation, conjunctions and quotations to make them seem like it might possibly be one sentence, but it’s not.

    As I’m abusing run on sentences, you should feel free to gnash your teeth in my general direction as you probably should because I can be a real jackass like that sometimes and I understand your need to vent.

  3. Magicvixen 12.May.03 at 4:46 pm

    you should get a big puzzle. it can be oddly soothing to waste your time and energy on one, with your focus on nothing other than the task at hand. Well..it works for me. 🙂

    or else you can compose me a delicious mix tape…because your musical tastes are utterly inspiritational to me. and what could be more exciting than making a mix tape for a complete stranger!?

  4. dweebie 13.May.03 at 8:29 am

    I tend to get that way when I’m pms-ing. An old friend who started working with me would notice the meanies coming on and say “why don’t you just start bleeding?!?”, seems like once that got accomplished, I’d be a nicer person. Although I can remember being too young to have a period and still having the feelings that I felt and was so mean, and didn’t want to be, but it was just there. Looks like you, as I, have figured out that the dark days, whatever their reason, are a passing phase and if we just hang with it, and try not to speak out too loud, they pass without too many lost friendships or incidents. Maybe it’s a girl thing, maybe guys get the same way too?

  5. andrea 13.May.03 at 12:35 pm

    knitting helps calm me down when i’m in moods like that.