After finishing my fettuccini and my ?Adaptation,? I was going to sit down to pout. I was going to pout about being lonely and sad. I was going to pout about wanting and aching. And, of course, I was gonna pout about the former-outlaw and how much my heart aches.

But, before my fingers even hit the keys, a light went on. Even if the former-outlaw hadn?t betrayed me, even if I were just waiting for a call from him, even if . . . I?d still be sitting here alone. I would have still eaten that dinner by myself and watched that movie without another hand to hold.

What does it all mean? I haven?t a clue, really. Perhaps it just means that I?m getting a little distance, some perspective. I think what I miss the most about the former-outlaw was the myth he perpetrated. I ignored everything because I just wanted that potential in my life. I wanted to be wanted. He made me feel wanted?and I really believed that maybe someday. . .

I?m still angry. Really, quite angry that he betrayed me like he did, that he lied and cheated and was a coward. I?ve learned though. I?ve learned that I value honesty above all else. I try not to stew, I think I?m doing pretty good at that. Whenever I feel myself working into a good rage/pity party, I just breathe deeply. I believe in karma. What comes around goes around.