as i was sitting on the couch eating some karamel sutra watching “good morning miami” and trying not to think, i got to thinking about the day.
i left work yesterday tired, dispirited and ready to look for a new place of employment. i was frustrated and just so very tired of fighting for everything. fighting with people so i can do my job. it’s ridiculous.
and then today i had another meeting with the bossboss and it was wonderful again. in the meeting she told us about how she made hr take down the senior copywriter position because we didn’t need one.
there was much much more and it was all much much goodness.
so it seems perhaps, maybe the career is back on track. i am cautiously optimistic.
but my personal life is a trainwreck. of course, that’s the way it works, doesn’t it? someone i care deeply for has decided that i am not worth the time and effort. it hurts. it hurts a lot. things are broken and i don’t know how to fix them. everything i can think of to fix things has failed miserably. he doesn’t seem to want to fix things, but i can’t get him to say that it’s a lost cause. of course, i hold onto hope. i really don’t know what to do. so, i just let my heart break a little more with every e-mail that’s not responded to, with every phone call that’s not returned. because i don’t know what else to do.
and it all just pisses me off because why can’t everything all go right at the same time? why can’t i have my career and my personal life go swimmingly at the same time?
is it even possible? does anyone ever figure out how to get it all to jibe together at the right time? because you, know i could really use some hints.
It’s a balancing act. I have to make sure I remember to save some energy for home and myself while going through the day. It’s hard, and I had to resort to leave myself notes at work. I think things are OK now, but they could be better. They can always get better.
I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. It’s so hard to try to mend a rift when the other person doesn’t feel like talking about it. I had someone just completely stop talking and e-mailing too and it hurt like hell. Oddly enough, he showed up a year and a half later, asking forgiveness. People just don’t know how much they’re hurting you sometimes.
Be patient, maybe he’ll come around. Whatever’s going on, don’t blame yourself for too much of it. If he doesn’t think you’re worth the effort, than he’s the one who’s missing out.
Sometimes it’s not you, it’s them, they need time to go into their shell and heal wounds, then when they’re more able to give freely, they’ll remember the good times with you. So give them the gift of your patience.