R.I.P Clyde

well, clyde is dead.

he died in a most humiliating way and now i am sans car for an indefinite period of time. the stinkiosity of this whole situation is unbelievable.

so, yeah i was supposed to go to wisconsin yesterday for some binge drinking. it was going to be swell. sister #4’s best friend owns a bar in chippewa falls. i was on my way to mom and dad’s place to meet sister #4. we were gonna take her car.

so i am pulling onto the freeway and clyde starts acting all goofy. like he won’t go higher than 35 and then he just stops going. the speedometer falls and i am sitting on the shoulder with my hazards on.

so i am sitting there trying to get clyde to start, and he just can’t seem to do it. my hands are shaking and i begin to sweat. i think about crying, but realize that might not be such a good idea. so i sit there for a bit, sweating and shaking when a state trooper pulls up behind me.


so i sweat some more and roll down the window.

“what seems to be the problem?” trooperboy asks. i am not kidding when i say boy. i am surprised this guy even had a driver’s license he looked that young.
“uh, my car won’t go.”
“hmm, well you are leaving a pile of black suit here underneath your muffler. looks like you got a cracked head and are burning oil through your exhaust. but i ain’t a mechanic.”
“uh, ok.”
“so what do you want to do?”
“my parents live like 3 miles away i was hoping to make it to their place.”
“well, i’ll follow you for a little while. just put on your hazards and drive in the right lane.”

so with trooperboy in tow, i attempt to get clyde to mom and dad’s. i make it all of .0934 of a mile before clyde freaks out again.

in the meantime one of those flash summer storms has sprung up. sheets of rain are falling from the sky. it’s much too rainy to get out of the car. so trooper man starts talking to me over his loud speaker. only thing is, i don’t have a loud speaker with which to respond. also, remember that i am sweating like a pig, so the windows in clyde are all fogged up.

“do you want me to call a tow truck or do you want to attempt this again?” trooperboy says over the loud speaker.

first of all, that’s not a yes/no question. so even if he could see me shake my head through the foggy windows, i couldn’t answer this question. so i hop on my cell phone (YES! it finally pays off) and call my dad. without a trace of tears in my voice i tell him to call AAA and get a tow truck out here pronto. he says he will and that he’ll be on his way.

meanwhile, trooper boy is still talking to me over the loudspeaker and torrents of rain are still falling from the sky. so, i have to get out of the car. i timidly open my door, waiting for one of the cars that are rushing by at 65 mph to tear it off.

i run over to the passenger side of the troopermobile and tell him that i’ve called AAA and they will be here shortly. trooperboy is not happy with my choice of towing companies, but right now i could careless. because of the rain, my clothes and hair are now sticking to me. trooperboy says he will wait with me.

so i run back to clyde and jump in. i look in the mirror and ponder just starting to sob uncontrollably. but i don’t. i just sit and stare– listening to the cars whiz by.

suddenly trooperboy turns on his lights and sirens. . . he pulls out from behind me and is gone. whoosh!

so eventually dad and the tow truck show up. we tow it to mom and dad’s. for some reason the gods of towing smile down on me and clyde only needs to be towed 2.6 miles. which means i don’t have to pay for the tow. mr. towtruckdriver says he hopes that we aren’t gonna stick any money into getting clyde fixed. he lists off a myriad of problems and again i think about bursting into tears.

but i don’t cry. i just go numb. i am still numb, which scares me. you all now what a crybaby i am.

so here i sit, carless, 17 miles from work with roughly $200 to my name. right now my life stinks and i am hungry. that will be all.

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  1. josh 11.Jun.01 at 2:30 pm

    I have had some cars die under me. My dad gave me the family VW bus and it died on the road to a mountain biking trip. My latest death was Rolf, an 86 VW Golf who died quietly outside my house. I donated his carcass to the SPCA who towed it away. hefty tax deduction, right?

  2. Carrie 13.Jun.01 at 7:44 am

    OMG, no! Clyde’s dead? Henry the Hyundai and I shall mourn his loss.


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