sometimes life would just be easier if we could turn off our brains. sometimes i can, for a little bit. sometimes i can get lost in sensation and not worry about what’s going to happen next. but then when the sensation has ceased, my brain comes back on and well worry sets in and really that’s no fun at all.
i didn’t fuck him. i would have, but somehow i don’t think he really wanted me. i am pretty sure that sometimes men act out some sort of obligation to take sex whenever they can get it and not out of sheer desire. so while there was no intercourse, there was still sexxy stuff happening. you would have thought the alarms would have gone off when in the middle of stuff he said, “i’ve just never, uh, been with such a big girl. it’s, uh, interesting.” yeah, the alarms should have went off, but at that point i had turned my brain off and well, i was just too stupid to turn it back on.
i woke up this morning feeling like a shameless hussy who took advantage of this poor guy. just call me, mrs. robinson (well except he’s older than me, i just can’t think of any other seductress lady). so really, this is not one of my proudest moments. in fact, i blush and tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. sometimes my ability to be such an incredible ass even stuns me.
so today, i am tangled up and blue. i think i am going to go sit in the corner and berate myself some more. whee!
Please don’t feel bad. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.
i’ll second that. it’s readily apparent to me that he’s not real bright.
jodi do you just enjoy beating yourself up or what? I demand you be perfect and make the right decision one hundred percent of the time! I will except no less!
It’s kind of interesting how our big brains seem to be so self-defeatist at times. I can certainly sympathize, as I’m busy second-guessing myself, too, so I’ll give you the same advice I gave myself. Go easy. If you can’t be good to yourself, who will? Mistake or not, everything is an experience to be digested and learned from and should be treated as such. Okay?
Paige and Louisa, go easy on the guy. He’s actually sorta spiffy. Jodi just needs to take a deep breathe and relax. (And that’s coming from me Jodi, the biggest freak of them all as you well know.) It’s all good.
oh, okay. i’ll take someone’s word for it that he’s a good person. i was mostly referring to his “i’ve just never been with such a big girl” statement. that’s a dumb thing to say, regardless of what situation you’re in. IMHO.