Arrrrggggghhhhhhhhh!
Writer?s block sucks. I?ve been trying to think all day of something to write about. I also promised myself that I would never write a column about not having anything to write. So here are the ideas I had, none of which came to fruition.
Fear of worms: yes, I have a strange fear of worms. I think it’s the slimy, legless stuff that gets to me. They are always just creeping about on the ground. icky. I get the shivers just thinking about them. By extension I am also afraid of snakes and eels. Someone suggested maybe it’s some sort of phallic Freudian phobia. But that doesn’t explain my love of hotdogs and corndogs.
The grandpa story: I was gonna write about my grandpa. I still am. I really like this story, but it just wasn’t working for me today. I want it to be really good, so I am waiting on that one.
My need for a public relations agent: I?ve decided I need a pr guy/girl. Someone to put a bit of a spin on all the stuff I say and do. Someone who can polish my image so I can score with all the smoochiebabes (ok I realize this sounds like I need a pimp, but I don’t want a pimp. I need a some good pr).
Girlie shoes: I was gonna write about how I need some girlie shoes. Some cheap girlie shoes in large sizes. That would make me happy. Having big ol’ feet is no walk in the park.
Some stuff about sex: I was gonna write about sex, but I don’t want to be the sexgirl.
The stock market plunge and what it means for our economy: ok, I wasn’t really gonna write about that. I just thought it would be funny.
Cute cat stories: This was gonna involve those wacky kitties, Paco and Madison. C’mon I was getting really, really desperate.
This one time at band camp: I never went to band camp. I didn’t play the flute either. I played the alto saxophone. I went to bible camp once. But the only exciting thing was getting out of doing dishes all week because I knew all the words to all the songs on Motley Crue’s “shout at the devil” album.
So, there you have it. Look at all those chances you missed out on. All that genius trapped inside my head. For some reason I can’t seem to find the words. Hopefully next week will be better.