so i spent the day washing clothes at my parents’ house. this means i spent a lot of time with sister #4. it’s been a long time since she and i have hung out together. with the wedding and stuff, we’ve seen a lot of each other but haven’t really spent anytime, just she and i. this is apparent by the reckless disregard she showed for the sisterly pecking order. she’s obviously forgotten that, yes, i am the boss of her.
ok, ok, i will cut her a bit of slack. she did jump up admirably when i told her she had to escort me to target to buy some downy. of course, i did have to buy her a candybar and some chilicheese burritos, but that’s beside the point. the point is, she wouldn’t let me watch the simpsons. can you believe that? she made me watch ed. a show called ed. we watched ed and not the simpsons. nothing worked. i begged, i demanded, i promised to be her best friend, i threatened to tell mom and dad– she just laughed. i told her she was the best sister ever, but it was to no avail. she wouldn’t budge.
i gave her a noogie, i put my stink feet in her lap, i even threatened to fart on her. . . she was a rock. so i pouted until she gave me the electronic yahtzee game and we watched ed together.
so this ‘ed’ show is about a bowling alley lawyer. yes, this guy owns a bowling alley and he practices law outta the office in the alley. hrmph. so now there is gonna be this big craze about how bowling is cool and hip. let me tell you. . . it’s not as glamourous as it seems on tv. trust me, i know. i’ve been working at my parents’ bowling alley for a year now. it involves lots of stinky shoes, cranky old men and really bad beer in cans. that’s it, there is no glamour. no cuties come in looking for lawyers. actually, i am hoping bowling will become the hip new thing. because then i can pretend to be all bitter and old-school and hipper than thou, with all my many months of bowling alley experience. because, i discovered bowling before it was hip. . . way back in the summer of 1999. that’s how old-school i am.