It is a sad day at Supergenius HQ. It’s a day I’ve known was coming for a few weeks now, but chose denial over reality. However, last night when I went to Sister #2’s for Family Dinner, I nearly nose-dived through her screendoor because my right shoe fell off when I didn’t expect it. Even with that, I thought maybe I was just clumsy (I am often clumsy).

But after nearly biting it after coming home from the library, I could not deny the facts any more. The shoes were out to get me!

Or, really, as you can see from the picture, my most beloved pair of Doc Marten slide-on shoes have given up the ghost. This is more devastating than that time my favorite orange bra died.

I loved these shoes. I wore these shoes pretty constantly for the past 10 years. Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stayed those slip-on bad boys from their appointed rounds. And now. Now they are gone. If you’ve ever met me in person there’s a 99.5% chance I was wearing those shoes.

I still remember when I bought them on August 7, 2003 (thanks Zappos order history!) for $50.90. It seemed a little extravagant at the time. Not because the shoes were $50, but because I bought three pairs of shoes at once for a grand total of $152.70! Then again that was the early aughts when I was rolling around in copywriter money and $600 a month rent. Oh, the good old days.

I still have the other two pairs, and one of them might become my new go-to pair of shoes. The other pair I don’t wear too often because the soles are super thick and they make me like an inch or so taller and wearing them feels like I’m walking around on skyscrapers and I will plummet to my death at any moment.

That’s why I loved these now-dead babies so much. They were super flat. And comfy. And just gender-neutral enough that I could pretend that I was sliding my size 12-clod hoppers into some real girlie shoes. And also, they were $50 shoes that lasted nearly ten years, which for a shoe-loathing person like me is the best thing ever.

As my mom often reminded me, I’m hard on shoes. This is why I don’t think I’ve ever had a pair of shoes last ten years. Not shoes that I wear all the time every day. I have tons of shoes that are 10 years old moldering in my closet, but they are the shoes that never made it into the permanent rotation. They are the squeezy, squeaky, and generally uncomfortable (along with the ugly, the don’t match anything, and then oh, I forgot I bought these).

Now, I have to go forth into that closet of unloved shoes and find something suitable, which sucks like butt (this is The Tibbles’ favorite saying for everything they don’t like, something they say so often it has creeped into my vocabulary).

I hate shoes.

The post So long old friends, it was a good 9 years & 342 days appeared first on I Will Dare.

Because I don’t buy shoes often, I wear mine until they either fall apart on my feet or they reek so badly that the neighbors start to complain. This seems to be a smart shoe policy. However, I have a big wedding to go to this weekend, and so I ordered some new shoes from Zappos to go with the new pants that better show up tomorrow or I will die.

Buying shoes online is generally pretty safe for the woman who has worn the same size shoes for nearly 22 years. When I bought my absolute favorite Skechers two or so years ago they were a little on the big side, but I dismissed it because it was the first time I had branched out from Doc Martens in like a decade and assumed it was because of the different brand.

So imagine my surprise when that happy box from Zappos arrives today and inside are a pair of damn clown shoes in size 12. Seriously. My feet, they are shrinking. For real. But the good thing is that I ordered my shoes from Zappos, and they have the kind of customer service that all the other customer services wish would go to prom with them. It’s that good. It’s better than that good.

I was just gonna order another pair of shoes in a smaller size and deal with the credit on the return later. But no, Zappos will have none of that, because Zappos wants to make sure I’ve been satisfied before he gets his rocks off. Instead they have you call them to make an exchange, and what do they do? What do they do? They send out the exchange pronto and they don’t even wait until you send back the clown shoes. Oh yes. Zappos is that good. So good in fact that the dude waived some fee and promised me I’d have my shoes my Friday. I think I came in his ear, which was totally called for.

Now, I’m pondering changing my relationship status on Facebook to show that I am hopelessly devoted to Zappos.

The post The woman with the incredible shrinking feet appeared first on I Will Dare.

i feel almost like a real girl.

The post there are no strings to tie me down appeared first on I Will Dare.

With these new shoes I am most enamoured with my feet. These glorious, chunky pieces of leather make my feet look so small, which is no easy feat with giangto size 12 (and that’s in men’s) feet. But they look downright adorable in these shoes.

I think I might be toying with the idea of developing a shoe fetish. If I can find more shoes that make my feet look small, we might be in trouble.

The post a pucker shot through a fiber optic wire appeared first on I Will Dare.