unexpected tragedy on a wednesday afternoon

i’m doing my best not cry, because i hate crying at work. but this is hard. i was just sitting in a meeting with the gang, we were approving an ad. i reached across the table and felt a stabbing pain in my chest. i snapped my hand back and sucked in my breath.

“what?” seamus asked.
“nothing,” i said with watery eyes. the pain nearly took my breath away.

i sat stiff in my chair for the rest of the meeting. i thank my lucky stars that it only lasted about 9 minutes. i got up gingerly and headed to the bathroom. i locked myself in a stall and pulled up my shirt.

“oh no!” i gasped, thankful i was the only one in the bathroom. it was my biggest fear, playing out live right in front of my eyes. my most-favorite orange bra had given up the ghost. the underwire snapped in two and poked right through, impaling my right breast on it’s jaggy end. (ok, impale might be a bit strong, really it poked and hurt, but didn’t impale. i don’t even think there was any blood).

i ripped the wires from the bra and stuffed them into the garbage, blinking back tears the whole time.

i love this bra. it is my favorite bra ever. EVER! even better than that red one i used to wear all the time. it’s the only orange bra i’ve ever had and orange is my favorite color. i wore the bra the last time i got laid (which was IN FEBRUARY – OH THE HUMANITY), i had plans to wear it the next time i got laid (which was probably gonna happen in october, 2012). now, now now what am i gonna do? i mean, clearly, i have to go out and buy a ton of new bras (you have to buy a ton to find a favorite). but i mean can i just throw ol’ orangey away? i don’t think i can. should i just wear him all lopsided and stuff? what’s a girl to do without her favorite bra of all time?

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  1. dainec 17.Aug.05 at 3:53 pm

    I think you should make it into a unique throw pillow! I’m serious!

  2. UH 17.Aug.05 at 5:52 pm

    Oh, you poor thing! You and your barely-escaped-from-being-impaled boobie need rest and ice cream!

  3. jodi 17.Aug.05 at 5:54 pm

    sarcasm in my time of need is not appreciated! you never met that bra. to know that bra was to love that bra!

  4. Megan 17.Aug.05 at 6:31 pm

    This is why, when I find a good ‘un, I buy a bunch. When you’re a 36A, that means all two of them.

  5. UH 17.Aug.05 at 7:14 pm

    I actually wasn’t being sarcastic, believe it or not. That was a heartfelt answer. I’ve seen the damage a burst underwire can inflict!


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