Even though I have given up on cleaning, I’m holding tight to the idea that I will have thirteen totally adorable, handmade reindeer hats to adorn the heads of my family tomorrow. I don’t know why I’m so into this hat thing lately, but there you have it.

My dream might not come to fruition, however, because I am bad at math. I’ve been steadily working away at all the ear parts, eye parts, and antlers to finish the hats. However, at some point I decided that 13×2=23. I made 23 outer ears, 23 inner ears, and 23 eyeballs. It was just as I was beginning the pupils that I figured out my mistake. I was not thrilled to have to go back to make three more of each of those things. But I did it.

Now I just need to finish the pupils and antlers.

Around 6 p.m. I’m opening the Supergenius Sweatshop and plan to put the gathered sibs and nibs to work assembling hats. The family that sweats together stays together, right? I plan on paying them with mint M&Ms, soda pop, and Lindor truffles. They will help me and like it. Either that or they have to dust some shit.

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So apparently the Rudolph song is a little like Duck, Duck, Grey Duck only on a much bigger scale. After I wrote the post I turned to Twitter & Facebook to gather more data for my research, and here’s what I learned. The choice of who Rudolph goes down in history as is random and based on things nobody seems to be able to remember.

My original theory was that the historical figure you chose was based on your elementary school. That makes sense, right? At what other time in your life do you sing Christmas Carols? Though they probably don’t do that so much anymore now that we’re more aware of the fact that not everyone celebrates Christmas. But I have strong memories of our entire elementary school gathering together in the gym and cafeteria singing carols. My favorite was always “I’m gettin’ nothin’ for Christmas. Mommy & Daddy are mad. . .” and “Little Drummer Boy.”

This, of course, has nothing to do Rudolph and I was talking about Rudy. So here’s the list of people went down in history like.

George Washington: This was #1 with a bullet and the answer given by people from all over the country — both coasts & the midwest.
Columbus: This was very easily #2 and the rest were just the shocking variety of answers.
Sonny & Cher: This was from three different people, which totally blows my mind for two reasons. First, one of the people who chose it doesn’t even know the other two who chose it. Second, the other two were Jodi Hanson & her older sister, Shari. They grew up across the street from us and I thought for sure they’d choose Jackie Gleason, thus proving my elementary school theory.
Lincoln
Nixon
Kennedy: It seems presidents are quite popular.
Attila the Hun: Glad I didn’t go to that elementary school.
Ronald Reagan: From another woman who went to my elementary school. At least Reagan was president when she would have been singing the song.
Nobody: There were a few who thought the whole idea of the ad libs were absolutely preposterous.
Michael Jackson: From Sister #4 who as a little hazy on her answer, which is better than Sister #3 who couldn’t remember.
Jackie Gleason: Sister #2 chose ol’ Jackie before she knew who I chose.

It seems that the names they used to laugh and call poor Rudolph varied too. . . with Pinnochio & Dumbo being strong favorites. And the reindeer games? Monopoly was most popular. Poker came in second.

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So I was watching the old Rankin & Bass “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” special on TV tonight, because of course I did. Though as far as the Rankin & Bass specials go, I have to say “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” is my favorite not only because ol’ Kris Kringle is a ginger and I love them gingies, but also because I think Burgermeister Meisterburger is the best villan name of all time.

When we were kids and we’d sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” we always added little asides to the song. For instance after the line “they never let poor Rudolph play in any reindeer games” we’d add “LIKE POKER!” It was usually shouted gleefully.

At the end of the song we’d sing “You’ll go down in his-tor-eeeeee” and add “like Jackie Gleasonnnnnnnnn.” This Jackie Gleason was usually accompanied by some jazz hands and lots of vibrato on that drawn-out Gleason.

So as I was watching the show I got to thinking. Damn, I wondered, do kids still say go down in history like Jackie Gleason, because that’s a pretty dated reference. And then I thought, well that was a pretty dated reference when I was singing the song back in the early 80s. Where in the hell did that come from?

Then I got to Googling and I can’t seem to find any reference to adding that “like Jackie Gleason” to the end of the song. Is this a Minnesota thing? Like how we play Duck, Duck, Grey Duck and not Duck, Duck, Goose? Or was this purely a University Avenue Elementary thing?

So, darling ones, inquiring minds want to know. Did you add like Jackie Gleason to the end of the song?

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