Hi Darling Ones, I wear a watch now. It’s a fancy Apple Watch because my family is afraid I will fall and be unable to call for help. Every morning my first thought is, “Oh yeah, I had a stroke.” I almost forget during the night, but my shaky arm is a constant reminder. Brushing my hair takes some effort. When I finally get downstairs I text my family, so they know I woke up and made it downstairs alive….
Oh Darling Ones, Last night I found out a friend from college died of colon cancer. He wasn’t even fifty. While I haven’t seen Baltus since the 90s, I’ve thought about him every Valentine’s Day for the last twenty-eight years. The Baltus-Valentine story looms so large in my memory, I’m surprised it didn’t appear sooner or more often. Of course he appears often in the archives as one of the Cross Country Boys. And while I can’t say with 100%…
Hi Darling Ones, Everything continues to be awful and difficult here in the land of stroke recovery with the added bonus of COVID. Yup. One week after the stroke and five days after being released from the hospital, I got the COVID. Again. My new nurse practitioner winced when I told her this morning during a telehealth follow-up. “I’m so sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re going through a lot of scary stuff.” Some of that stuff involves being…
Hi Darling Ones, It’s been a week since the stroke upended my life. I still hate it. If I ever get one of them wasting diseases ala Beth in Little Women, don’t expect gentle grace from me. I am angry, impatient, and resentful. I might appear stoic and accepting, but that’s only because I’m choosing to use the very last of my energy to reign in the hot river of bitterness that wants to escape. Appearances are deceiving, and I…
Darling Ones, I had a stroke in the wee small hours of Monday morning. While the stroke is considered small, the disruption to my life is enormous. Fortunately, my speech and cognition have escaped unharmed. Unfortunately, the limbs on the right side of my body have suffered. I have to use a walker to get to and from the bathroom because I’m so wobbly. My coordination and fine-motor skills are shit at the moment. Typing takes a lot of effort…
Well, Darling Ones, Today is a nightmare combination of anxiety and complicated grief offset with a slate-grey sky out my window to just really, *chef’s kiss* this day. My brain weasels couldn’t decide what should be the priority, my winter-driving anxiety in the face of 3-4 inches of slushy snow falling at the moment, the impending diagnosis of macular degeneration/retinopathy/tumor, or the fact that today is my dad’s birthday. If you’re new here or have forgotten, I drive a 1999…
