I just deleted a really shitty column about being opinionated. You really ought to thank me. It was sucking giant donkey balls. It’s a topic that’s near and dear to my heart, but I just couldn’t do that to all y’all. It could have been wonderful. Maybe some day it will be, but right now it’s just coming out all dumb and pointless. So, instead I will make you suffer through some stream of consciousness style ravings.

Tomorrow, well actually today, I have to buy a car. I am nervous as all get out. I am not good with commitment. Buying a car is a giant commitment. I keep telling everyone I am too young for such a thing. My friend Ella keeps saying, “suck it up and get a car. Debt is the American way.” I don’t like debt. I don’t want to owe anyone anything.

If I weren’t such a ninny about not having a reliable car, I’d just go out and buy another junker. But Minnesota winters are long and tough. I am single and live alone. I live 17 miles from work. I need something that’s going to start for me every day.

Blech.

So tomorrow I bite the bullet. I am dreading it like nothing else. Perhaps this is why I am up at 1am on a work night. Perhaps this is why my tummy is churning. Perhaps this won’t be quite the ordeal I think it will be?

That’s wishful thinking on my part. If only it were as easy as saying, “I’d like a blue one named Jonas, with boopboop locks and a CD-player, to go please.”

so to get my mind off this impending adult-type behavior, I went to my parents’ house and did laundry today. Laundry is one of the more mundane domestic tasks I don’t seem to mind. Probably because my laundry system is a highly sophisticated, well-oiled machine. It works like this:
clean clothes in the hamper
dirty clothes on the floor.

It makes life infinitely easier. There is no guilt for leaving the dirty clothes on the floor, because the clean ones are in the hamper. . .you can’t mix the two. There must be dirty/clean clothes segregation or we’re all going to hell in a mixed-up clothes hamper. A side benefit of my laundry system is there is none of that redundant, folding, put in the hamper, take them out of the hamper, have to fold them neater and then put them in a dresser or hang them up.

That’s just insanity, kinda like grocery shopping. Put load them in the cart, unload them at the cash register, load them into bags, load them into the car, unload them into the house, unload them into your cupboards. I hate such redundancy.

Yes, pity me my tough life.

In other news, I have recently discovered Rufus Wainwright. I don’t think my life will ever be the same. This man is amazing. “I don’t want somebody to love me, just give me sex whenever I want it, because all I ask for is instant pleasure.” that’s going to be my theme song. Well at least for today. Because tomorrow I will want to be loved. You know how that goes, no?

Well darling ones, it’s now 1:23 in the morning. I need to get up early and buy that damn car. I am sure you’ll hear all about it next week. Maybe. Next week I promise to have a topic. Something concrete and with a point. It’s something to look forward to! You are so damn lucky.