here’s why i have a crush on the artguy. because he compells me to write things like this:
now onto the creativity thing. i think it’s some sort of genetic compulsion. i think it’s something you’re born with and you can’t fight. well you can, if you take pills. this compulsion to create, in my case write, is completely scary and it’s frustrating. and i can’t ever explain why i do it. i have this friend and he’s always asking me why i write. i keep telling him that i have to write. i get super bitchy and frustrated when i can’t. i get really bad when i get stuck (which is how i was all weekend). he didn’t get it. he doesn’t understand that there’s something in my head, not quite voices, but something else that i have to get out. and when i can’t get it out it’s as if all those voice-like things begin arguing with each other and i can’t seem to make sense of anything. it’s like a physical compulsion really. i feel uncomfortable in my own skin when i haven’t been writing or don’t make time to write.

i think this creative compulsion strikes people who think too much and who feel too deeply, it’s like there’s too much going on inside that you have to get it out somehow, and creating something is the only way to ease that inner tension. i don’t believe there’s anything you can do about it at all. i think it’s something you either have or you don’t. there are a lot of people who want that, for some ungodly reason. i think there’s a lot of hipster cache (to borrow a phrase) in being creative. so there are a lot of people who fake it and a lot of people who try really really hard to capture that inner-tension. and i bet great gobs of them are truly successful at it.