Sunday October 9, 1993
3:27am in bed
It’s so strange to say I’m in bed, when the last time I was in my room it was a different room! So much has happened in the month since I’ve last written, that I can’t even begin to fill everything in. I love working on the newspaper. It is great! A lot of work, but I knew that when I began. I’ve made a lot of new friends and I’ve actually developed some kind of a social life. Me and Shelley just got back from Country Kitchen. We went to the bars, but they were a complete drag. I have crushes on about three guys– especially jeff johnson and tom from my creative class.
I’m going to be published in the NOTA broadsheet. I am so excited. Beats being in the Spectator any day. Going to sleep, I’ll try and keep up a loittle better. I think i have to start carrying around and writing between, during, before and after classes. I feel so guilty for neglecting it for so long.
Saturday Nov 6, 1993
1:49pm sitting in my room
I’ve been feeling so restless lately. I can hardly explain it. I just want to do SOMETHING, but I don’t know what. I want to go somewhere, but i don’t know where. It makes no sense, but I want to be independent not sure what I want to be independent from. I want to be cool. What is cool? I don’t know anymore. I feel like I’ve lost myself and I don’t know where to find me. I’ev no identity. I can’t figure anything out. I don’t even know what I want anymore. Sometimes I feel so transparent but nobody can figure me out. I want to be someone else. Someone who knows what she wants and how to get it. I’m sick of walking the fence. I want to be an artist, but still a journalist. I don’t know what I want. I just don’t get anything anymore. I want to be Johnson. I want to know Johnson. I want Johnson. I am so confused.
Today
yeah, i’m still confused. what the fuck was that all about?
p.s. the phallic shaped meat hunks, are nearly done. also, when the clock said 3:36, i panicked because i thought i forgot to make a 3:30 post, but you know, i had made a 3:30 post at 3:28, a lot can be forgotten in 8 minutes.