dear abby,
i need some advice here. lately i’ve been really hurt by someone close to me. i don’t know what to say, how to bring it up. traditionally when i am hurt i give the hurter the ol’ sullen-n-silent treatment, until i get over the offense.
i’ve tried that and i’m not getting over it. i’m still hurt and angry now to boot. see, the hurter hasn’t even noticed the silence and sullenness, which is making me angry.
gah! what’s a girl to do?
sign me,
miffed in minnesota
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Dear Miffed,
Sometimes it’s best to compose in your mind a little treatise regarding what you believe to be exactly the problem between you and your buddy, then put your arm around your buddy and say “hey buddy”, we need to talk. Get it out in the open, release it.
I usually do the whole silent treatment too…but when they refuse to acknowledge, then I get mad. I’d say talk to them about it, but…be prepared for them to deny or not see the big deal in the situation. Then be prepared for said friendship to end. I know. I’ve been there. It’s not fun, nor necessary to have to justify why you are feeling the way you do. And to her…I said, see yah. Hope it works out for you.
Dear Miffed,
I am afraid that it depends on the offense. I hope this was of help to you.
Abby
Dear Miffed in Minnesota:
Stan is right.
P.S. I was always smarter than Abby.
Eleanor Roosevelt said something to the effect of “No one can hurt us unless we allow them to.” Use it as a koan to find and see the root of the hurt and then see if you want to let it hurt you. grasshopper. (by the way, it’s easier said than done)
boil their bunny.
My friend used this quote once:”Friends are enemies that you give to yourself”. I guess its true, I just accept them for who they are and dont try to change them. Maybe someday they will realize how they are acting and change themselves.
I’m assuming two things;
1) It must be a guy. Guys are the only ones who don’t notice things like that.
2) You expect the guy to know what he’s done without telling him directly. (a.k.a. Mindreading) Guys are HORRIBLE at this game.
Tell the offender what he’s done; Lay it out on the line. Try to to be emotional, try not to be hurtful, just state what he did to vex you so, and let him apologize. You’ll both be happier.