i have a memory like an elephant. i remember most everyone, everything, all the time. i remember what i wore to my cousin colleen’s funeral when i was 3 or maybe i was 4. i remember some of the nicest things ever said to me by people who are no longer in my life.
for all my great memory skills it does not do much to make me memorable. which amazes me.
really, my feelings are still hurt from something sister #2 said last night.
“we all went out to dinner last night without you. just so you know.”
at the time i just shrugged it off. what could i say really?
“gee thanks, i don’t have enough problems with loneliness.”
“oh, ok, i am glad to know that i am a loved and valuable member of this family that you all want to spend time with.”
“just so you know, you’re a fucking a bitch.”
mostly i am angry that i am letting it bother me. that i am sitting here bawling my head off because they didn’t invite me to dinner. at least i got called to participate in the family picture, that says something doesn’t it?
the thing is, i would say something, but we’ve been down this road a million times before. i tell the sisters it hurts my feelings when they all get together and do things without me. they tell me i’m too sensitive.
“it gets to the point where we don’t even want to tell you that we did something,” sister #2 said.
“why?”
“because you get upset and cry.”
“well, because it makes me feel bad.”
“it’s not like we plan it. we just all happen to be at the same place at the same time.”
“and you can’t call?”
“we don’t think of it.”
“i see.”
that’s usually when i start crying.
it’s gotten to the point where i think maybe i am being too sensitive. i can’t tell anymore. should this upset me?
of course right now i am thinking, “fine! i am going to move away and you guys won’t ever get to see me and then you’ll be sorry.” but then i know i won’t do that. because really they wouldn’t even be bothered at all. at least that’s what i’m afriad of.
things will turn out for the best, you know. all will be really, really good. there are many, many people out there, who wish you *only* the best. it is sometimes worth it to forget the bad and to look forward to the really, really good stuff ahead. : )
You’re not too sensitive. They’re too insensitive. I doubt any of them would appreciate being consistently left out of things.
Actually, I don’t think you are being too sensitive. Your sister knows that it could bother you, and then she brought it up, possibly thinking it’s better she tell you rather than you finding out later, but still, it also sounds like possibly she was trying to rub it in. Just remember, they are not perfect, just like we are not, we all make mistakes. Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can hurt you without you letting it be done. My older sister caused me so much pain that I eventually just stopped dealing with her. I was surprised when she (my sister) asked that we go to a counselor. I spoke to him first and related all the old wounds, etc. He said biology doesn’t always mean you have to stick together if you are involved in unhealthy relationships with your family members. It sounds like you get a lot of support from your family, so maybe that’s why it seemed to hurt. But if you are aware that you don’t have to stick with them, maybe it will make it easier to decide if you are going to let their mistakes cut to the bone or if you decide to blow them off as occasional oblivitrons. While they were all hanging together, you were in the best company, yourself, I mean can anyone else get along with yourself as well as you do? Probably not. So be grateful that you and yourself are so compatible. take care.
Well, just for another perspective, I think you’re being too sensitive. It’s hard to organize three or four people at the same time. Sometimes you just happen to be together. What are you going to do, say “hold everything until we call Jodi?” I don’t know, but I think that’s asking a lot. If it’s pre-meditated planning where you’re being excluded, that’s a little less understandable, but still it happens some time. It doesn’t mean anything terrible. IMHO.
Do you really know why it’s bugging you? Is it just this instance or a pattern of behavior? Can you trace it back to something when you were young? (When most of our “sore spots” are born)?
I get told the same thing you do, and here’s how I’ve developed my own barometer: Does it still bother me in 3 days? A week? If someone else did the same thing – would I be just as hurt? Were other things going on when I was told that? If I told this situation to someone who isn’t family, what do they say? Do they think that was rude?
If it bugs you – so be it. Don’t be sorry for that. Only you can determine that you were being too sensitive.
IMO, anyone who tells someone they were being “too sensitive” without employing any empathy in their delivery of that message are the same idiots that say “I was just joking – what? Can’t you take a joke?” when you call them on an insult.
be glad you even get invited to the family picture. I lived a few hours away and the only way i found out about the family picture was by seeing it in my mothers living room.
thank you, thank you all for the wise and sage advice. i think i did get a bit more upset than the situation really warranted. i am prone to drama queen theatrics, especially on sunday nights.
it’s not bothering me now. but i still think sister #2 was a big ol’ bitch with the way she delivered the information.