what we have here is a seriously bad case of the mopes. it’s not so good. i’ve got a lot on my mind and i just can’t seem to shake any of it. this leaves me distracted and restless. not even a melodramatic episode of dawson’s creek can save me from my own mind.
job woes have still got me wondering. i’m supposed to have my yearly review soon. well, i should have had to on the 24th, but it keeps getting put off. i just wish i could get it done and over with. i have to ask for that raise and i am obsessing about it.
this is coupled with the sudden jones to buy a house. it’s sorta freaking me out that i want this. i want this very much. it’s so unlike me. it seems like such a committment, something i am not good with at all. hell, i freaked out when i got a couch because i felt too tied down.
but now, i really want a place of my own. some place i can paint orange and blue if i want. my own place. at the same time it scares the piss out of me. somehow homeownership and marriage seemed all wrapped up in my mind. it’s like i decided i couldn’t have a house unless i have a husband. so in my deeply psychotic reasoning i feel that if i buy a house i will never get a husband. it doesn’t make sense, i know that. but somehow i’m just afriad that if i buy a house now i will forever be labeled an old spinster.
but at the same time, my other personality is trying to rally the troops. how kick ass would that be to own your own house as a single woman? i mean, come on, that’s quite an accomplishment, right?
right?
i hear you that houses are scary. we are going to get one soon. i think. unless we totally freak out and decide we’re too kiddy and silly for something so serious. except i am learning it’s really not that big of a deal. people buy them and sell them every day. if you are in a rut, getting a house will give you something new to pour your energy into. you go get a house and paint one room orange with blue polk-a-dots and when husband man comes on the scene, he will be enthralled and excited.
at the very least you’ll get some equity.
ahh pix, you’re the best!
RIGHT! really, is there even a doubt? don’t waste money on rent if you don’t have to. besides, if you have a house I’ll be able to steal a room when I’m finally destitute on the streets. 🙂
i sort of felt the same way when i got my own apartment and started buying furniture for it. i kept thinking that this was all stuff i was supposed to do with a significant other and now, if i ever do get married, what are we going to do with the purple couch?!
but then i got over it and now i’m thinking, if i ever get married, he’s gonna have to love me AND my purple couch.
houses only make me nervous because they seem like an awful lot of work.