This is What Was Bugging Me, Apparently

Hi Darling Ones,

I have been out of sorts lately in ways unrelated from all death and accompanying grief. There’s just been this low-level air of dissatisfaction and crankiness lurking about the place.

My fart noises at positive affirmations on Insta were extra farty. My sisters asked me an innocent question about Christmas plans and I burst into tears while texting them. There were probably other things that I can’t remember now.

I chalked it up to some weird quirk of grief, but I was wrong. It seems all my crankiness may have been work-related. I have a tendency not to write a lot about work for a variety of reasons including, but not limited to:

  • Work talk is boring.
  • In order to not upset people it’s usually really vague. For real, I’ve read posts I wrote about work in like 2004 and I have no idea what I was going on about. Whatever it was I was really upset about it.
  • It can make for some awkward situations like that one time I went on a twitter rant about people who ask me to work for free and it turned out they wanted to pay me but were really terrible at communicating. I did not get that gig.

Anyway, a couple weeks ago I launched a new site for a client and there was one annoying technical issue I could not resolve. This was basically the web equivalent of when you were a kid and you’d say, “Mom, it hurts when I do this.” And your mom (or at least my mom) would say, “Don’t do that.”

The client and I both refused to not do that.

I do not deal well when things are broken (Looking at you, ice maker). I want them fixed right now. Like right this second. This is obsessive tendency is even worse when I’m the one who is supposed to do the fixing.

So today, after literal weeks of going back and forth with not-very-helpful tech support people I won the lottery. Finally, I found the one who understood my problem and explained the solution in a way that made sense. I only had to say, “I don’t know what that means” once during our conversation. It took roughly 3 minutes to fix a problem that has been plaguing me since December 1st.

Darling Ones, I’m fucking giddy and jelly-boned with relief. I had no idea this problem was bothering me so much. After all, I didn’t really think about it constantly, which is what I usually do about broken things. So I assumed I was putting it away, setting up good work/life boundaries, and all that happy horseshit.

But the body knows, doesn’t it? My shoulders are relaxed for the first time in ages. I bet I sleep like a goddamn champ tonight.

After so many losses, it feels good to have this teeny, tiny win.


P.S. I’m not a huge Flaming Lips person, but I really love the song Buggin’, which I’ve been singing in my head since I started writing this post.

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