Actual Factual Toilet Repair

Jaycie and Max were perched at the bar at the bowling alley. It was about 9:30 in the morning. The Stink was keeping score for the Sloppy Joe Bowling Tournament, and I was feeding the kidlings blueberry muffins.

“Do you have canine teeth?” Max asked me.
“Sure I do.” I bared my teeth at him and pointed out the canines.
“Wow they’re pointy,” he said.
“That’s because I’m part Vampire,” I said.
“Mine are sharp too!” Jaycie took out her retainer to show us.
“Mine used to be like that,” my mom said. “But they filed them down.
“Mine aren’t sharp,” Max said.
“Because you’re not part Vampire,” I said. “Only the oldest daughter of each family gets to be.”

After that I went on to quiz him about the origins of Bubba Petunia. He has no idea where it came from but he has big plans to teach Cade, Nolie, and Liam how to chant it whenever Jaycie comes in the room. She was none too pleased about this development.

“I could call you actual factual toilet repair,” he said.
“What?” I asked, making him repeat it.
“Actual factual toilet repair,” he said.
“Actual factual toilet repair?” I repeated after him to make sure I got it right.
“Sure,” he said. “She could repair toilets with her golden plunger!”

There was a song and dance that came after that, complete with plunging motions and jazz hands. But mere words could not do justice to the actual factual toilet repair jingle.

(Visited 43 times, 1 visits today)


  1. UH 12.Mar.07 at 3:56 pm

    Oh, he knows where “Bubba Petunia” came from, he just isn’t telling. What a little scamp.

  2. Pingback: The validity of eye witness accounts | I Will Dare

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.