Maybe it was the way the covers fell across my body, or perhaps it was the way my hand was tucked under my head. As I closed my eyes tonight, the image was there and so real that by the time I rolled over to try to erase the memory from my head I knew I’d have to get up to write it.

I woke up in a rented bed in a hotel that’s less than a mile from where I live now. The stiff white sheets were twisted around my naked body, he had been up for awhile. Showering and dressing while I willed sleep to come back and visit for just a little longer. I feigned it and he gathered his stuff. If I kept my eyes closed then I Wouldn’t have to face what had happened the night before. I could pretend that I didn’t come here. I didn’t crawl naked into his bed. He didn’t have a girlfriend back home. Dreams only happen when your eyes are closed.

He leaned over the bed, speaking but not touching me. “Jodi?”

I opened my eyes and hoped he’d be charmed by my disheveled bedhead, my big green eyes. “You look hot.” I smiled.

Dressed in a suit and tie he said, “I have to wear this to work.”

I closed my eyes again.

“Do you want me to set the alarm?” He asked.

“No.”

“I have to go.”

“Okay.” I wanted him to lean over and kiss me, touch my head, show any sign of affection.

He turned, opened the door, “Bye.”

I sat on the edge of the bed, and listened to the door bump against his bag and then click behind him. I thought about crying, or checking my e-mail. Instead I fumbled for my glasses on the nightstand and once I could see again I strode, still naked, to the window. I flung open the curtains of the third floor room and watched him walk across the parking lot. My shoulders and breasts were bathed in the bright white sun of July. From my perch I begged him to look up. I knew he wouldn’t be able to see me, but I just wanted him to try.

But he never looked up. He never glanced my way. He didn’t even turn his head as he drove out of the parking lot and off towards the highway. I leaned my forehead against the already warm glass my eyes full but not running over, my heart sore but not broken, but he never saw me again.