things you probably ought to know though you probably don’t care at all

1. i’ve gone to the bathroom three times since i got to work at 9 a.m. is this much peeing normal?
2. my left hand is so cold i’m afraid it’s going to fall off (my right hand is not so cold because i have it wedged between my thighs, because i need the left hand to move the mouse).
3. the very top of my head where the disco stu headphones rest is really quite itchy and i can’t figure out why
4. i can’t wait to get home tonight and read The Plot Against America because it’s finally getting really good.
5. remember how there is no five? do you remember that?
6. because clearly the TTHM does not and in a gross affront to all that is kind and good he has made me #5 on the speed dial and in an even grosser than gross affront of all that is kind and good, he continues to tell me how i’m STILL #5 whenever he calls. i want, of course, to be number 6.
7. do you remember those grosser than gross jokes from when you were a kid? what’s gross? eating rump roast. what’s grosser then gross? when it gets up from the table and farts. yeah, it’s still not that funny.
8. bonus joke going around the sister club, “Did you blow bubbles as a kid?” *

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  1. jodi 23.Feb.05 at 11:44 am

    * of course when you ask someone if they ever blew bubbles as a kid, they say yes, because everyone did.

    then the joke teller said “well he’s back in town and wants you to give him a call.”

    much uproarious laughter ensues.

  2. Thomas 23.Feb.05 at 4:35 pm

    1 and 2… Get your blood sugar checked… please…

  3. jodi 23.Feb.05 at 4:39 pm

    oh, my blood sugar is fine. i’ve checked it like 292,928,284 times on my dad’s blood sugar testing machine.

  4. jodi 23.Feb.05 at 5:02 pm

    AND another thing. my pet peeve is being diagnosed based solely on two snippets that i’ve included on my web site. who do you think you are? not just you thomas, but anyone, who thinks they can and should offer medical advice based on my fucking web site.

    really, are you kidding me?

    come on. right now both my hands are cold. . . because it’s fucking cold in my office. my nose is cold and my nipples are hard and i’m sort of shivering.

    should i go have a colonoscopy?

    i slept like a baby last night, should i go see a therapist?

    i had really bad dreams on sunday night, probably depressed right?


  5. UH 23.Feb.05 at 7:24 pm

    If your nipples are hard, you should see The Love Doctor, stat.

    That’d be me, if anyone’s playing along at home.

  6. jodi 23.Feb.05 at 8:39 pm

    UH, wasn’t it you who told me that men hate it when girls rub their cold parts against them?

  7. UH 23.Feb.05 at 9:25 pm

    If it was, I plead drunkenness. I like it when women rub any parts against me.

  8. dainec 23.Feb.05 at 9:54 pm

    As for the peeing, I always seem to pee more when I’m cold. Or when I’ve been drinking a lot of fluids, which I try to do this time of year. So to me, your peeing sounds pretty normal.

    And I thought the rump roast joke was pretty funny.

  9. Wendy 23.Feb.05 at 10:46 pm

    whoa! the top of your head is itchy?!

    you should really probably have brain surgery immediately. stop reading this and GO!

  10. PeeWee 23.Feb.05 at 11:36 pm

    Michael Jackson had a chimp named Bubbles. And look where he ended up.
    I think his left hand was cold, and he wore a glove. And burned the top of his head drinking Pepsi which made it itchy.
    You start singing Billie Jean and I will officially freak out.
    Until then, carry on.

  11. Thomas 24.Feb.05 at 12:31 pm

    I didn’t tell you to fucking inject yourself with insulin, I merely was expressing concern and asked that you get checked… CHECKED… Of course, you already know your blood sugar as of today, so there’s no reason at all for my worry.

    I just know that MY symptoms were similar, and that if Diabetes is left untreated, it can be really REALLY bad.

    I’ll just shut up and go back to lurking…

    Stop doing the happy dance, UH…

  12. the TTHM 25.Feb.05 at 10:19 am

    um…the new banner is like…number 5 on my list of things i really like about your web site…


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