i woke from my dream about how my left leg had suddenly grown an inch longer than my right leg to the sound of the phone ringing.

fuuucckkk, i thought. who in the hell calls this early on a monday morning? can’t the caller see that i don’t have to work? that i am practicing for what it’s like to be unemployed?

i laid in bed counting the rings, determined not to answer it. fuck you, i said to the caller. can’t you see that i don’t have to get out of bed, i don’t have to be conscious until thursday for thanksgiving dinner? woe is me, i thought.

of course, since i had been so rudely shook from my gentle slumber, i decided to get up. i put on my glasses and looked at the time. nine.

i scratched my butt and ambled to the desk to check my e-mail. then it hit me, hmm, maybe someone left a message.

and someone did!

and it was my mom asking me if i could take her to the shop to pick up her car. i am the worst daughter ever. but then i called and it’s not until noon, so now i don’t feel quite so bad.