phew. my heart is still racing, my palms are still a little sweaty, and i feel pretty good. despite what a lot of people i work with think, i don’t feel much like a natural leader. i can fight for what’s right, i can do what i’m told, i can even make decisions when it’s clear what should be done. but when it’s sort of grey, when two people of power are telling me two different things, i tend to want to crawl under my desk and hide. i’m not so good with the office politics, especially when me and my creative group are in the middle, which we so often are.

but today, when i just wanted to run and hide, i didn’t. i straightened my shoulders, put on my big-girl pants, and talked to the political leader of choice. i explained that i was given two different directions from two equally powerful people and i didn’t know what to do. he told me the way it was and said if i needed any help, to let him know. but now that i know the way it is, i don’t need any help.

and it’s so nice because he gets it. he really, really gets it.

and i know none of this makes any sense to anybody who doesn’t work here.

but you just have to know that today, i acted like the leader everyone thinks i am, and it was hard for me, but i did it and i survived.