Sat. Aug. 5, 1989
I’m glad I’m not an orphan, I couldn’t handle it. I feel like such a nusiance to my family. Patty and Greg are going to buy our house, and now I have no place to live. I’m in Ericka’s room, and she just wanlked in, and called it my room, I wish. I no longer have a room or even a home. I wish I could stay at Patty and Gregs, I suppose the plan is for me to live at Jodi’s which i don’t want to do. I know I spend all my time there, but it’s different, I still have my own place. If I live there, I will have no room to myself, none of my own stuff, nothing. I love Jodi, but let’s face it, we’ll hate each other. I’d never ever feel at home. I’d feel as if I was spending the night, but I wouldn’t feel at home in any house. We we’re supposed to go to the cities today, but we don’t have enough money, so now we get to sit here. Mom’s mad at me because I didn’t want pancakes and we didn’t have any bread to make a sandwich and I was going to make some fish sticks cuz I’ve had pancakes for the last five days, and the thought of them makes me sick. but, she started yelling at me, cuz we’re so ungrateful and I started to cry, of course. So she yelled at me for crying and she yells before she evn finds out what’s wrong. it’s not just the good. My God, I’ve gone without food before. This is no different. But, how would she feel if she had no place to live, and school starts in a month. Senior year is supposed to be the best, not mine!

And yes, after a year and a half hiatus, hiding in the my bedroom, i return to journalling, in typical melodramatic fashion. at the end of my junior year, my parents decided to buy a restaurant in wisconsin and leave me to finish high school in Blaine. It was quite an experience.

Things worked out and I ended living with Patty and Greg in our old house, which they bought. It was wretched. I should have stayed with Jodi and her family. The whole experience was terrible. My parents forgot they had a daughter, I didn’t have a job, I only ate when Jodi’s mom invited me over for supper. I hid a lot in my bedroom in the basement, and slept. I through myself into being editor of the newspaper and yearbook. I missed my family terribly. and that’s all i wrote. the rest of the notebook is empty, except for a terrible, terrible thing i wrote about myself, that’s currently making me cry.