2:33 p.m.

This column is going to steal the premise from a not-so-good sitcom called “Watching Ellie.” In it Ellie, played by Elaine from Seinfeld, has something like 22 minutes to accomplish some mundane sitcom task. During the 22 minutes much hilarity and hijinks ensue and since it’s a sitcom she always manages to get whatever the mundane task of the week is done in the nick of time.

In the “Watching Jodi” version, I’ve got 27 minutes to hammer out the latest and greatest version of this column and then race off to the movies with sister #4.

2:36 p.m.
This morning I entertained putting something I posted on iwilldare.com here, but then I changed my mind because I thought too much backstory would need to be involved. So I just left the post there.

So really the subject of this column is the mall. Specifically going to the mall with my three-year-old nephew Max and his four-year-old sister Jaycie.

We had all gathered at the mall to belatedly celebrate the birthday of my brother-in-law henceforth known as 9 ? since he accidentally sliced off the tip of his finger on Monday, April 8th, which was his actual birthday. See, why he’s called 9 ?? After an excellent dinner filled with Chinese cuisine, sister #2 and her husband (the parents of Jaycie and Max) had to venture out to a bowling banquet. Since I wasn’t quite in the mood to go hang out and baby-sit at my parents? house, we decided to hang out at the mall.

Sister #3 and 9 ? decided to do some shopping at a swanky department store that was bound to bore me to tears, so Jaycie, Max and I set out for the bookstore. Of course, it had to be on the other side of the mall. Just walking through the mall with a three and four year old is an adventure.

Max chattered incessantly about The Gap.

2:47 p.m.
“Jodi Grody, let’s go to The Gap,” he said.
“Let’s not and say we did.”
“I like The Gap,” he said.
“I don’t.”
“Aunt Bad Lady, I got a new coat at The Gap, it’s not Hello Kitty, but it’s blue, I will show Aunt KeKe and she will like it,” Jaycie said.
“We’re not going to The Gap,” I said.
“I like The Gap!” Max said.
“It’s nerdy,” I said.
“It is not, it has animals and baby Cade would like the animals, there were no dinosaurs but they had a chicken, maybe we should go get Cade a chicken.”
“Do they sell books at The Gap?”
“No,” Jaycie laughed. “They only sell clothes and animals.”

As we passed every store in the mall one of them wanted to go into every single store we passed.

“Oh there’s Sears!”
“Is it a bookstore?”
“No.”
“Oh, there’s a cookie jar store.”
“Is it a bookstore?”
“No.”

Finally nirvana loomed before us.

“Jodi Grody, Jodi Grody,” Max yelled, “There’s a bookstore!”
“Halleluiah,” I said.
“What’s that mean?”
“It means thank you god for delivering me to the gates of heaven.”
“You are weird,” Jaycie said.

We raced to the children’s book section with glee. Max stopped before the entrance agape at the giant Harold and the Purple Crayon character guarding the entrance.

“It’s Harold and the Purple Crayon,” Max said. “I love him.”

2:54 p.m.
There we oohd and ahhd over most every book we could find. I was so impressed with the kidlings and how well they remember their books. Even the bookstore worker girl was impressed with how literary they were. I was so proud I could have bust.

Then we happened upon a little reading area with a sort of stage thing decorated in the forest that I can’t remember the name of from Winnie the Pooh. Jaycie hopped up on stage and immediately went into her fairy-princess-lost-in-the-forest-who-will-save-me spiel. Max tried to save her and once she let him. But upon the successful rescue he announced that she would have to marry him and she would have none of that.

I just sat in a chair and laughed and enjoyed the scenery. It was wonderful.
2:57 p.m.