Hi Darling Ones,

I’m in that weird position where writing about what’s on my mind makes things better and yet everything on my mind bores the daylights out if me.

How many times can I say that being in my body is weird and annoying? How many times can I complain about the myriad ways having a stroke has disrupted my life in the worst ways?

I miss the days when my thoughts were filled with sex and books and rock & roll. Those were the good old days.

Now all I think about is how heavy my right arm feels and whether or not the lightheadedness plaguing me for the past two weeks is better or worse. I’m cautiously optimistic it’s getting better. I topped taking the blood pressure med that I started right before the onslaught of lightheadedness landed me in the ER. I also started taking lexapro to help with anxiety. Allegedly it will help with the depression rendering me a lifeless lump on the couch. I sure as hell hope so.

I’m working on asking for and accepting help in various forms. It’s not easy and makes me feel weak. I know this is stupid. I rarely think people who ask for my help are weak. I mean, I do kinda judge those who could easily google the solution to their problem. Trust me, I have googled all the stroke things. Anyway, in general, I’m kind of astounded by the bravery of people who ask for help. Putting yourself out there and admitting you can’t do something is courageous as hell.

So along with all the other muscles I’m strengthening, asking for help is in there.

Speaking of, I do a lot of arm exercises with a stretchy band. When I first started these exercises my Occupational Therapist made the mistake of telling me there were different colored bands based on the amount of resistance the band provided.

I thought of the Sexy Dance Healing episode of “Bob’s Burgers” where Jairo uses Capoeira to heal Bob’s shoulder. During the process Bob earns different colored scrunchies to mark his progress.

Of course, I was to get to the pink band because my Occupational Therapist has never given it out. I’ve already graduated from green to blue, which feels like quite an achievement. The blue is really hard, and I only have one more month of in-home therapy so I might not get the pink, but I’m gonna try.

Think pink,
Jodi

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Hi Darling Ones,

Due to poor sleep hygiene I am really very tired and thus do not have a lot to say that isn’t “I am really very tired.” However, since Sister #2, Ben & Walter are due to be here in just over 24 hours I wanted to make one last post before the invasion. I might write while they are here. I might shrivel up from over-socialization. Who knows? The world is a chaotic place.

Thing 1

I’m generally pretty bad at watching TV and frequently watch the same shows over and over again. One of the ones in constant rotation is Bob’s Burgers. This show is hilarious and if you don’t like it your funny bone is busted.

Thing 2

While watching Bob’s and eating a delicious turkey club sandwich, I watched the Thanksgiving episode where they try to rescue the pardoned turkey. This episode contains a John Irving joke that makes me snort every time.

Thing 3

While watching the episode after the turkey pardoning I noticed, while Gene was singing Heart’s “Alone” that I look exactly like Alex Papasian, Gene’s BFF. You can see that in the picture above.

That’s all I got for now,
Jodi

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Hi Darling Ones,

It’s always a little weird to come back here after a momentous event and be all cha-cha-cha I listened to a song today and it made me think of things. At the same time, it’s really weird how, in the age of social media, people feel the need to make public proclamations about momentous events so you know where they stand. This is super hypocritical of me, because I love to make public proclamations on unmomentous things so people know where I stand.

For instance, today I proclaimed “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” is Prince’s best song. I will not be taking any questions at this time.

Funny how another example of my hypocrisy presented itself right there when it wasn’t even gonna be the focus of this letter.

Anyway, when my niblings were little right around the start of this blog, they were obsessed with digital cameras. Mine, specifically, because I was the only person they knew at the time who had one. I was an early adopter because I love photography and also the software company I worked at around the turn of the century had a really bitchen program to get us all cameras. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I know that I got my first (of many) digital cameras for a stupid good price in 1999 or early 2000.

It was some kind of Kodak behemoth and I lugged that fucker everywhere. Because I am the greatest aunt of all time, I taught Jaycie and Max how to use it pretty early on. They were like three and four at the time, and Sister #2 hated that I would let them use something so expensive. “What if they break it?” she would whine, and I would ignore her. She was right, Max accidentally broke one of my cameras when he fell with it.

Because they were little kids we had some camera rules.

• no pictures of people’s butts
• no pictures of the TV

As with most rules, they were needed for a reason. Namely, I was tired of deleting 891 pictures of someone’s butt or the TV. Maxwell, ever the four-year-old stinker, got around this rule once by taking a picture of the butt of every stuffed animal he owned. The kid had a lot of stuffed animals.

So the recently I was talking with EM on the phone and I was telling her about how I had inadvertently turned into Teddy from “Bob’s Burgers.”

“Ummm . . .” she said.
“Hold on,” I said. “I’ll send you a picture.”
“Of your TV?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have a lot of pictures of your TV?”
“Shockingly,” I said. “Yes.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Reasons.” I said.

Darling Ones, there are no reasons. I mean there are reasons, but hard to explain ones.

Holy buckets, we got one more example of my hypocrisy. It’s almost like I planned this (I did not plan this. The only thing I planned was telling you about taking a lot of pictures of my TV).

Frequently, I want to be a person who texts/emails things like “I saw this and thought of you.” I love when people do that to me. It’s like in the Top 5 of my very favorite things. However, I rarely do this because I don’t want to explain why. Of course I live in the belief that people will always ask why, because I always ask why. Always. I am incapable of not asking why.

In case you’re keeping track at home my two most annoying traits are:

1. dying on every hill
2. asking why

“Why did you send me a picture of your TV with Blossom talking about Eddie Vedder?”

How do you even being to answer that? It took me 39 minutes to tell EM, who I talk to at least once a week, why I sent her a picture of my TV where Teddy is talking about his underpants. Like I’m gonna tell someone who has probably forgotten I existed that I thought of him when I saw Blossom talk about Eddie Vedder because I always remember how much he loved Pearl Jam and how I would always joke about how much I loved 1992 Eddie Vedder.

In conclusion, these are three examples of my hypocrisy. If this gets demonstrated on the TV in some way, I will sure get a picture of it and send it to you.

Jodi

P.S. When my Joshua Jackson show played Jason Isbell’s “Cover Me Up” AND “Live Oak” in the same episode I almost wept because I super love it when two things I love get mixed up together (See: Matt Dillon and The Replacements’ liner notes).

The post The COVID Diaries: Hypocrite appeared first on I Will Dare.

7. The Quirkducers
Louise: How you doing girl?
Tina: Um, not great. I feel like my soul has diarrhea.

6. Thanks-hoarding
Bob: Gene it’s when you take the backbone out of the turkey and press it flat. It cooks more evenly.
Tina: I thought women had to deal with unfair bodily expectations.

5. Gayle Makin’ Bob Sled
Bob: You only have one bowl.
Gayle: I’m not rich, Bob.

4. An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal
Fischoeder: Just like I’m going to get into Shelby’s parts. Her ladyparts.
Gene: Which are the ladyparts?
Tina: The vagina and the heart.

3. I Bob Your Pardon
Gene: Maybe she meant cider house, that place rules. (John Irving reference)

Tina: This our turkey.
Louise:James Van Der Beak.
Gene: We’re just trying to get him back to his creek. (Dawson’s reference)

2. Turkey in a Can
What’s that sound?
It’s the gravy boat comin’ around
It’s not a Navy boat, it’s the gravy boat
Filled with bravery, savory sailor folk stuff
~ The Gravy Boat song

1. Dawn of the Peck
Definitely a Top 10 best of all-time Bob’s episode.
Bob: Don’t look at me like that, turkey baster! You think I wanted this? This isn’t what I wanted! I never wanted to be apart from you!

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