It’s Spring Break here in Shakopee which means it’s Tibblesitting time for me. Our days start ridiculously early now that Sister #3 has a fancy (yet still depressing) job in downtown Minneapolis. So yeah, 6:45 a.m. and we’ve got Tibbles all up in this joint.

Yawn.

And today was April Fool’s Day, a concept they don’t quite grasp. This is how our day went.
“Your face looks like a dirty butt,” one of them would say.
“Hey,” I would interject.
“APRIL FOOLS,” the offender would shout.
“That’s not how April Fool’s works,” I’d say.
“Oh, I mean opposite day.”

Lather, rinse, repeat.

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Liam, who is seven, was so booorrrreeeeddd he was nearly ready to die. I asked him what he wanted to do and hes said it started with a V. So I tried to guess.
[arrow_list]

• vacuum the living room
• vigorously clean the kitchen floor
• vaccinate alien raccoons
• validate parking
• vandalize Luke Skywalker’s Light Saber
• vanquish the enemy
• vaporize vampires
• varnish the deck

[/arrow_list]
Apparently the answer was video games. I tried to explain how that would technically be a P for ‘play video games,’ but he was not in the mood for my lecture. Brat.

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“I can’t even look at the spiders because they freak me out,” Liam

“Oh man, I almost forgot about my rock friends.”

Nolan is creating a website for he and Cade’s Duct Tape Bookmark business using Crayola Markers and construction paper. The URL from what I can tell is ducttapeisawsim.ducktape.com. It also includes his mom’s telephone number.

As I type Liam and I are having an argument about electricity and what wastes more the radio or the TV. He’s upset because I declared today a no TV day. “You’ve been listening to the radio all of the day and that’s so much electricity you are wasting.”

“You need to get to a higher level of origami,” Nolan said to Cade. “Right now you’re at a lower level, which is like easy origami.”

“LEGO people don’t really speak English so even though they live in Oklahoma, they call it LEGOhoma,” Cade.

“I like Oklahoma because it’s shaped like those fingers people wear at sports games,” Cade said
“Those #1 foam fingers?” I asked.
“Yeah.”

On Friday we went to he local Chinese Buffet. Now I’m not a buffet person. When given a choice, I always order off the menu. But, since the Tibb’s mom hates Chinese food, I agreed to their lunch suggestion. As we were leaving, on our way to Goodwill, they each stopped by the gumball machines and procured gumballs. After we marched into the parking lot to Ruby. As Nolan and Cade were climbing in, Liam dropped his gumball on the ground. He quick slunk down, snatched it from the ground, and popped it into his mouth.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I didn’t even have a chance to count to one. No germs got on it.”

Minutes later we were perusing the aisles of Goodwill. They each had $3 from the potty-talk jar to spend. Cade and Nolan were amazed at the ridiculous bounty they could amass for $3 at Goodwill. So was I. Liam, however, wasn’t so sure.

“A lot of this stuff looks used,” he said.
“That’s because it is,” I said.
“That’s it,” he said, a little exasperated. “I’m not getting anything.”
“Why not?”
“Because of all the germs,” he said.
“Didn’t you just pick a gumball off the ground and put it into your mouth?” I asked. “What about those germs.”
“I didn’t even count,” he said. “Those germs don’t count.”

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Most mornings our conversation consists of how the Green Bay Packers are stupid and/or poop their pants and/or are babies (these are the most heinous insults the under-10 crowd can imagine). Yesterday we discussed the Boy Scouts and discrimination.

Today, Nolan was late getting to breakfast. When he finally appeared at the table he was sporting a shirt with two guitars on it. One guitar had a speech bubble floating above it that said, “You rock.” The other guitar’s bubble said, “No, you rock.”

Cade and Liam thought this was the most hilarious shirt ever, and through mouthfuls of peanut butter slathered French toast they would say, “you rock. no, you rock.” Yeah, I’m not quite sure I get the hilarity of it either.

After a few minutes, I joined in the fun. “No,” I said. “I rock.”
“No,” Liam said putting his fork down. “You are a rock.”
“Did you just call me a rock?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said.
“Nice one.”

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“Are you so hungry you could eat a horse?” I asked.
“No.”
“Are you so hungry you could eat a wombat?”
“What’s a wombat.”

This sent us to Google where we spent the next ten minutes Googling animals to see if Liam was hungry enough to eat them. Here are the animals we Googled and his reasons for not being hungry enough to eat them.

• Wombat, too funny looking
• Hedgehog, too poky
• Kangaroo, would kick him
• Cheetah, too fast
• Rhinoceros, would probably eat him first
• Penguin, too cute
• Fennec Fox, would scratch him
• Armadillo, the shell is too hard
• Gazelle, too goat looking
• Zebra, too fast
• Giraffe, too tall

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