For reasons that are escaping me at the moment I decided it would be a good idea to stick around for one more with Danielle and Tom Petty (yeah, Huey wasn’t working and Don Henley isn’t as fitting). Tomorrow will not be so much fun. But I cannot resist funny, smart people who want to talk about writing. It also helped that both of them agreed with me about Vodo’s most annoying habit: being right.

Here’s the thing with Vodo, either during or after your workshop he’ll say something like “one thing you might want to try. . .” and then come up with the most obvious, brilliant thing ever. The suggestion is usually right on, and once he says it you’re kicking yourself in the head for being so stupid for not seeing such an obvious solution to your story’s problem.

It’s infuriating on two levels. One because he makes it seem so easy, and two that it’s so obvious that you must be a dope smoking moron for not seeing it yourself.

Really. He did it to me tonight. My story called “Rocket Science” lacked some sort of essential conflict. It’s a story about a physicist who really wants to bowl a 300 before his parents’ bowling alley closes. Instead of focusing on the actual bowling, I wrote about everything else and included a healthy (and total bullshit) three-page flashback for good measure. Even as I was writing it I wasn’t sure what the hell the conflict was.

So after class Vodo sidles up to me to ask what I thought of my workshop. I told him how it was generally quite good and I knew the story was rough with tons of flaws. It was at this point that he leaned in for the kill.

“You know what you gotta do?” he asked. I think his eyes might have even sparkled evilly (oh yes an adverb). “You gotta have him really go for it. Have him keep trying, and trying and trying, 1 a.m., let’s do it again. 2 a.m., didn’t do it yet, let’s bowl again.”

As he was talking, I just had to close my eyes and shake my head. Because, of course! WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT? He’s so totally right I wanted to vomit right there on his shoes. Instead, I think I might have just given him the finger.