i really did not want to go to bookclub last night, not at all. see, FFJ couldn’t make it and i had never attended a bookclub without her. it was her bookclub and she invited me to join. so i just always think of the women in the bookclub as FFJ’s friends and i’m just the various hanger on.

it doesn’t help that the women in bookclub are so smart, witty, and with it that i’m totally intimidated by them. really, they make this supergenius look like a superdoofis. they’re just so eloquent and passionate and informed, and i just often feel like the country mouse visiting the city mouse. they seem so together and grown-up and what not that i scares the piss right outta me.

and when i get scared or intimidated i become a wallflower. i see it happening and there’s nothing i can do to stop it. get me around a group of people that i don’t know that well and i hide behind my eyes. i grow mute and just watch with giant, scared eyes.

but, last night i decided to buck up and venture off to bookclub without my FFJ security blanket. i was nervous, like i was meeting these women for the first time.

and, of course, as is often the case with things that scare the bejebus out of you, it was fabulous. we were talking about Autobiography of a Face. and i told them how i sobbed when i read the part about 8th grade and they totally got it.

we talked about how the book seemed really cold and removed at times. how while it appears grealy is revealing tons about her and what happened, when you really thought about it she revealed hardly anything at all. which was great. talking about books is great. we hadn’t done so much book talking at bookclub until last night. and i loved it. then of course the talk evolved into politics, family, and whatever else seemed to come up.

but it was fabulous and i didn’t have to hide behind FFJ or my eyes. i love bookclub and now i feel like i really belong.