grammu has refused to continue the radiation treatments that are shrinking the tumors on her spine and adding weeks to her life. she wants out and they are letting her go home to die.
she leaves the hospital today.
there will be no IVs to feed her, so if she doesn’t eat she will starve. this is her choice and my mom is respecting her wishes.
i’m at a loss. i hope she can go home and smoke her head off, laugh a lot, and feel the warm sun on her face before she goes. i don’t know much, but i know that’s gotta be better than staying cooped up in that hospital.
my heart is heavy and sad when i think about it. i need a hug and a stiff drink. i need to come to realization that she believes in heaven and i believe in heaven and that she’s off to something better and grander where her old body won’t hurt her and she can be with my grandpa.
Having gone through the same scenario too many times to count, all I can say is (((((jodi))))). The only real comforting thought at this point is at least she’ll be home, in a place that means something to her, instead of an uncomfortable, fussy hospital room.
You’re in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself.
thirteen years ago, we brought my gran home to die. i was graduating highschool, getting arrested, turning 18 and my only grandparent was dying.
there are so many things i wish i’d asked her. there are things i wish i hadn’t seen. when i think about it, it is as if it only happened yesterday. my utter reluctance to give into the roaring pit of fear and pain knowing i was losing her put into my belly.
you love her. make sure she knows it. hold her hand while she sleeps. make sure she laughs and gets the sunshine on her face.
i just wish i could give you that hug.
I’m in grammu’s point of view. I believe in an existance after this one. Too many people have had Near Death Experiences whn their brains were officially flat-lined, then have come back to tell the tale of the white light, the tunnel, the feelings of love, etc. I refuse to believe that all our experiences, all our knowlege, all our memories are soley stored on a piece of wet tissue in our cranium. We are beings of light, not this crude matter we slosh around in.
I wish you and her a lack of pain, an abundance of life, and a hope to be with each other whenever possible.
When I was in high school, my grandmo came to our house. We built an addition to our house, but she knew it would be just another guest bedroom soon enough. I read a book called “Gramps” that sort of helped me understand why she was there and what was going to happen. Gramps dies a respectable death surrounded by family as did my grandma. And so will Gyour Grammu.
My aunt chose to die at home, as well. We found a wonderful hospice program that helped her and our family through that time. If there’s a good hospice program (people will come to your grammu’s house) near you, your family should look into it and take advantage of there services. I’ll keep all of you in my thoughts.