Oh darling ones,

It has been a week, and it’s only Wednesday. I packed so many thing into Monday that I had to spend all day yesterday recuperating.

Monday was the deadline to submit my afghan to the State Fair Creative Arts competition. It did not go well. At the very last minute, literally hours before the 7 p.m. deadline, I ruined my submission. In my sleep-deprived, procrastinatory panic I decided I could just paint names on the blanket freehand style.

I could not.

Apparently in that moment I forgot about my Floppy Scoop and distorted vision. So I did what any logical person would do. I texted the Sister Club, cried, and rage barfed.

Sister #2 encouraged me to submit if only for feedback/learning purposes and Sister #4 came over to help me fix it.

With all my anxiety focused on fixing the blanket, I jumped in my janky ass wheelchair and Sister #4 hauled me to Michaels.

YES! I went out “in the community” in my wheelchair for the very first time. I’m pretty sure this was the first time I was in a store since COVID, for sure it was the first time since my stroke. Thanks, Michaels, for taking my shopping in a store in a wheelchair virginity. It’d be really nice if you made your stores a little more wheelchair friendly. I got stuck in a bunch of portfolios and my sister had to rescue me.

With some mineral spirits and some gold paint we raced back to Supergenuis H.Q. to perform some sort of artistic first aid.

Sadly, it did not work, but I submitted my fucked up afghan anyway and holy buckets am I proud of myself for doing thing I said I was gonna do. I expect nothing but feedback, but I’m already winner. I learned so much from this process.

1. It’s almost impossible to elegantly turn crocheted pentagons into squares
2. Trial & Error involves a lot of error. And time.
3. My hubris knows no bounds.
4. Procrastination will bite me in the ass.

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Hola Darling Ones,

How are you? Today I’m a little bored and frustrated. While there are 88 things I could probably be doing that might ease my boredom, I’m choosing to type and bellyache about it.

Plus, I just paid $1148 for my first-half property taxes. It’s why I busted out the laptop in the first place. Since I had her out I thought, hey, I should update my much-neglected blog.

While you probably could not care less, the writing will be sparse for the next few months.

Reason #1: The Blue Ox Oasis
Sister #4’s pool is has a new name. I lobbied hard for the “Dan Patch Chunk & Dunk,” but lost that battle. Regardless, the Oasis is open and I plan on spending as much time in there are possible. My latest, favoritest magical thinking fairytale involves working super hard in the pool all summer and miraculously all my strokiness goes away.

*POOF* No more balance problems. Or wooshiness in my head. Or heavy right side. Or tremor. Or distorted vision.

Every medical professional I’ve seen has told me those things will not be getting better. They have facts and science on their side, but I have unearned confidence and a weird faith in omen, signs, and the power of my own desire. So. . . we’ll see who’s a big crybaby in the fall.

Also, related to this: my mom bought me a fancy walker I have dubbed “the little red Corvette.” I’m hopeful this will make the journey across Sister #4’s yard to the pool easier.

Reason #2: The State Fair Blanket
This week registration for the Minnesota State Fair creative activities competition opened. I’m gonna enter my A+ idea this year. I meant to do it last year but I wasn’t ready — emotionally, physically, or blanketly. This year I am emotionally ready.

What does that mean? It means I’ve accepted I cannot walk the fairgrounds, but I can ride one of those scooters. I think. We’ll see. It’s a lot.

Now I got to get that blanket done and it is not going well. My idea is aces. The execution of that idea is a giant pain in the ass. Whoever decided trial & error is the way to do things must have had zero friends.

In another act of stunningly deluded magical thinking, arrogance, and over confidence I thought this would be a one & done situation. I’d figure out how to turn my idea into a crocheted blanket and *POOF* I’d be on my way to blue ribbon town.

Only my first solution is not going as planned. I did not realize this until Wednesday after wasting many months making 801 little crocheted pieces I intended to join into one prize-worthy whole. Fuck me.

Now I’m going through the trial & error process trying to find another way to bring my idea to life with yarn. Hence, the aforementioned frustration.

Also, related to this: I got a yarn winder from my wishlist and it is the 2nd best thing to happen to me in a fortnight (See P.S. for #1). I cannot adequately explain how relaxing and satisfying winding yarn is. I could tell you why having delicate yarn cakes is superior to balls, but my eyes are done focusing now.

So, that’s how I’ll be spending the next few months. Swimming and crocheting and magically thinking.

Fun!

Bibbitty, boobbitty, boo,
Jodi

P.S.Thanks to a tall handsome man from my past who popped up with a well-timed and unexpected monetary gift the taxes only drained half of my account instead of all of it. Phew!

The post Who Needs Science When I Have Magical Thinking? appeared first on I Will Dare.

Hi Darling Ones,

I dunno about you, but I’ve had it up to here with current events. And I’m 6’5″ and here is pretty high up.

I can’t with SCotUS. I can’t with shootings. I can’t with a fascist gameshow host stoking violence and then being shocked when there is violence. I can’t with a country that does nothing about violence and genocide in Palestine. I can’t with the death of one of the Heathers, and I really really cannot with the veneration of Richard Simmons who was the bane of my fat-kid existence.

A lot of you didn’t have to spend the summer you were 10 being forced to exercise to Simmons’ talk show while following some fad diet your mom found in like the National Enquirer and it shows.

With all the current events I can barely not deal with all my own bullshit. I got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow when I have to begin discussing the Social Security Disability application process (what I’m calling getting on the dole).

There’s so much I cannot deal with that I’ve had to work extra hard to ignore all the problems.

My work has included shot-gunning the Barbecue Showdown on Netflix. You know I love a good cooking show. This one is great because the judges are super knowledgable and everybody cries when someone goes home.

Crying along to barbecue is my new favorite pastime.

What makes this even better is I’m sitting here crocheting while watching and inhaling the aromas of a pork butt I have in the crockpot. As I watch these people sweating over fire pits and putting mop sauce on brisket I’m all, “we’re basically the same.”

Jodi

The post Crying to Barbecue is My New Pastime. appeared first on I Will Dare.

Hi Darling Ones,

Did you miss me? I took a brief hiatus while Sister #2 was here. She left Friday and I spent all day yesterday sleeping. It always takes me a little while to readjust to hermit life after spending a ton of time with my extrovert sisters. Speaking of which, we’re gonna kick off this month’s appreciation list with them.

Sisters

I cannot say enough how rad it is that my sisters have consistently shown up for me since the stroke. From washing my underpants to helping me clean out closets and moving my bookshelves around so I could display my Funko POPs, they continue to help without complaint. Or at least without complaint within my ear shot. One is in the midst of buying a house and one is in the midst of some remodeling and they still show up. I’m very lucky.

Cherries

This is my favorite food seasons. I’ve taken down two pounds of these sweet, juicy beauties and I got two more pounds waiting for me in the freezer.

Annie Bot by Sierra Greer

This novel was a delightful and occasionally dirty thinker that had me question some of my own assumptions on freedom and forgiveness. It’s about a sort of sex robot with the ability to learn from experience. It’s surprising and infuriating and wonderful. Read it!

Creative Purrsuits

I present to you the completed catghan. It’s enormous! My mom and Sister #2 are 5’10” and 5’8″ and they couldn’t hold out all the way up. She’s a beauty, isn’t she? This is my new favorite thing I made. Hannah’s Blanket has been moved to #2.

That’s all I got time for now, Darling Ones. What have you been appreciating? I’m on the lookout for new music, as I’m in one of those “sick of everything I love” phases.

More soon!
Jodi

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Hiya Darling Ones,

In case you don’t have all the minute details of my life committed to memory, I have a big deadline coming up. I have vowed to myself, my family, God, my friend, Em, and anyone else who who will listen that I will finish the catghan by the end of the month.

If you’re unclear of the date, today is March 1537th, 2020. That means I’ve got three days to finish the catghan.

Just to brag, I’ve been crocheting my Floppy Scoop, janky-visioned ass off.

The catghan has 24 panels. So far I’ve created 6 strips of 4 panels and joined 3 of the 6 strips. Three more strips to go and a border and that bad boy will be done.

Instead of bitching about how hard it is to work with black yarn, I’m going to tell you about my two new obsessions, making a bundt cake and baking donuts.

You see while I crochet I either listen to audiobook mysteries or I watch baking/cooking shows. In the past few weeks I’ve watched about 59 episodes of the Spring Baking Championship. I suddenly have a lot of opinions about cream anglaise, pâte à choux, and royal icing.

This is mostly a load of bullshit because aside from monster cookies & banana bread, I hate baking. Too much chemistry, zero room for error, and you don’t know you fucked up until it’s too late.

So why a bundt cake? Because I have a bundt pan, and I’ve never, ever made a bundt cake before. Plus, Sister #4 and I have a birthday next week.

The donuts are for obvious reasons. Donuts are my favorite and I just learned you can make them in the oven. I refuse to deep fry anything in my house ever again after the fried chicken debacle of 2014.

Now when I’m unable to sleep at night I look at bundt cake and donut recipes. It’s oddly soothing.

What are you obsessed with?

Love,
Jodi

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