Watching the documentary is maddening. It’s a struggle I’ve always had with Warhol and a lot of pop art and modern art. I can’t tell if Warhol’s an artistic genius or just a genius bullshit artist. I’ve been listening to all these art critics and historians talk about his genius and the whole time I keep thinking “it’s a damn painting of a Coke bottle” or “it’s a six hour film of someone sleeping.”

Then I start to second-guess myself. Maybe I’m just not smart enough to ‘get it.’ Or maybe I’m thinking too hard about it and art should just be something you feel or understand on an emotional level.

But then I third-guess myself and think. . . aha! See that’s why he’s a genius because he conned you into thinking you’re stupid when really it’s all just a big con.

Is Warhol a genius because he did it first? Is that all it takes? They (the people in the movie) talk a lot about intent, and what he intended it to mean. But I have a sneaking suspicion that they are projecting importance on something in hindsight.

I’ve spent so much time the past two days thinking about this that my brain is begging for mercy.

The Artguy and I used to discuss ‘art’ all the time. And he too would always say that intent was part of the art-making process. Though I would always argue that perhaps that was too easy. Just because I intend something to be art, does that make it art? And does it matter if it’s bad? I mean there can be bad art, right?

I have to stop. I’m starting to drive myself a little crazy.

Regardless, the documentary and Warhol’s life is utterly fascinating.

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I remember telling the Artguy once that every time i typed the phrase “and more!” a little bit of my soul died. Now what’s left of my swiss-cheese soul is being eaten by the ‘next level.’

It’s days like this where I need a sugar daddy to fuck me gently and then leave me to write my pretty little stories about boring little nothings. My god, why can’t I ever get what i want?

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that’s all i can think of, and i think that might be enough.

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the Comma Nazi took it all so well, i think she’s missed working with me on the newsletter since the minion’s contract ended.

i also got an e-mail from the artguy that said ” I
probably would have offed myself if I hadn’t come out of my shell to get acquainted with you in the last year. Thanks for keeping me alive with your dark humor and shriveled chicken Mc Nugget of a heart.” and that nearly made me cry.

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first, one of my coworkers just walked around with a box full of warm chocolate chip cookies. apparently one of our vendors sent them over.

second, orangey business cards make my heart soar with excitement and potential pump through my veins.

third, the artguy has something to do which means he ain’t sitting here bugging the shit out of me. this truly is the christmas miracle we’ve all been waiting for.

fourth, did i mention the warm chocolate chip cookie? it was so good, it deserves another mention.

sixth, i have a meeting with my most favorite coworkers in just one minute. chances are i will laugh so hard my throat will hurt.

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