I do not want to write tonight, but it’s the penultimate post of the 200 project, so here I am.
Today I’ve been unconsolably sad, pretty lonely, and struggling with being a chump. A sucker. Someone who is frequently only called upon when they are useful to someone but not so much worthy of attention when not being useful.
I’ve had one friendship come to an end because once my friend was in a good, happy relationship she no longer had time for me. When I turned to her for support after Paco died the same week I suffered a romantic upset and the only thing she talked about was her new boyfriend I knew I was on my way out. Sister #3 is still cold-shouldering me since I told her I felt like she and The Tibbles use me. My point being proven today when I heard from them for the first time since Christmas because they needed a ride.
There are more examples of my chumpiness & being used, but I already feel like I’m cryptoblogging. Plus, I’m so down in the dumps I’m prone to making melodramatic statements about disappearing that will only embarrass me in the morning. Or March.