Comments on: 20 missed calls

By: Tam

Tam — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:57:13 +0000

The Wonder Hubby’s mom has brain cancer. (So serious they airlifted her to Toledo from her cowpatch.) Nobody’s asking questions, none of them are talking to each other, WH’s sister’s husband is sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong and deciding who gets to know what and when… holy cow, it’s a freakin’ mess.

Then, in my own tactless way, I said something along the lines of “Why don’t you three kids just put me in charge? I’m not emotionally vested in whether she lives or dies.” (OUCH! Thank heavens, Wonder Hubby is used to me saying stuff that wrong all the time. I’m not cold – I just have a habit of saying things as simply as possible without censoring or rephrasing so they’re “softer”.)

Families are incredibly rough seas to navigate. Do the best you can and don’t let the bastards grind you down. If you need to talk, please don’t hesitate to email me.

By: jags

jags — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:30:08 +0000

I’m so glad your mom is okay. As for the rest–god, it’s so much easier to be express anger than fear, hurt and sadness. Your mom’s illness is an uncontrollable event but lashing out and guilting you is an action they could take. But wrong wrong wrong. I’m sorry and am sending you a big Hey you are an awesome person hug.

By: Jodi

Jodi — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 05:35:22 +0000

Thank you all so much, darling ones. Knowing that you have my back (even virtually) makes me feel a lot better.

I had a long talk with Sister #3. The situation is much graver than I thought. I won’t go into details, because it’s not my story to tell. It’s a case of you don’t know what you don’t know, but now that I know. . . well it looks like I’ll soon have four roommates.

It will be better for everyone involved if they stay here until she can get on her feet. While the timing is not the greatest. It’s like Peabo said, where you put your shit aside and wrap yourself around the person in need. She needs more than I do right now.

By: shokkou

shokkou — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 02:09:18 +0000

Grrl. Doggamn your family for putting so much of their bullshit on you. I am SO glad you got some sleep. I worry about you and your lack of sleep. Just do what you can and trust the Universal Mind to take care of the rest. All’s well that ends well. *hugs*

By: Lerren

Lerren — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 00:40:05 +0000

I second peabo’s comments.

When my mom had one of her heart failures, my father refused to drive her to the hospital. When my grandmother had heart failure, one of her daughters went off to a broadway show instead of turning up at hospital (This being the minister daughter… *sigh*.) Having your phone off and showing up breathless as soon as possible doesn’t even RATE on that scale.

The truth of the matter is that this kind of family emergency takes every bit of drama from the last ten years, throws it in a blender, and splatters everyone. Your sisters likely felt the need to lash out, and this is how they chose, consciously or subconsciously, to do it. They’re close – they know the chinks in your armour. They also may have been very worried about *you*, not answering your phone and generally un-locatable, and when you turned up fine and well rested, they were angry that they weren’t. Humans aren’t logical. Honestly, would it have been better if you’d gotten in an accident due to sleep deprivation on the way over?

From what little you’ve written here, it seems like you’re the family rock – the one that everyone else uses for their own stability. And it’s also fairly easy to see that it, along with everything else, is running you ragged.

Take care of yourself. And don’t feel guilty for doing it, either.