Comments on: different kinds of alone

By: Dante

Dante — Mon, 06 Sep 2004 11:48:28 +0000

A wonderful 18 months together and she decided she wanted to travel alone for a while before returning. We had 18 months sharing a foreign land and experiences that bond both the heart and the soul.

I returned to that foreign land, anticipating her return from her solo travels in another place. She met someone else, informed me by email, and now I’m stuck here, still struggling to find sleep most evenings and waking up most mornings in a good mood, until I reach out and she’s not there.

6 months on, the pain has only gotten worse. There are no friends, or family here. I have to do this on my own and I haven’t genuinely smiled in all that time. I walk around with a smile on my face and inside, razor blades slice my body to pieces. She wants to be friends, and I love her too much to excise her from my life, but every email or photo from her, every visit to a place we had slept, eaten, shopped, visited together, reduces me to a quivering wreck. There is no anger, just a sense of hopelessness.

On good days, I pray she will never have to go through what I am, and on bad days, I pray she will someday, have to live everything I’ve experienced. The pain, if anything, hasn’t eased. It’s grown worse. She is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and my life wouldn’t have been as rich if not for her. But, if I was given a chance to redo it, I wouldn’t. She is my first true love, and will be my last. If I had the chance to redo, I wouldn’t, I can’t stand the pain.

She is my best friend, and the irony is, that I need my best friend to consol me, to put an arm around my shoulders and provide a shoulder to cry on.

By: nick (dwnturn)

nick (dwnturn) — Thu, 15 Jan 2004 12:38:44 +0000

i have never had a crushing break-up. I’ve never even had a serious relationship (which sucks in its own right). but i can imagine that reliving old experiences, no matter what they are can lend a new perspective as you undoubtedly were not aware of certain things that would come to your attention if you had knowledge of the ultimat outcome. so in that sense it would be worth it. I can say that i have witnessed my roomate being recently dumped by his girlfriend. I dont talk with him much about his personal life but i could tell he experienced a great deal of anxiety from the notion that she would leave him. this seemed to persist throughout the duration of the relationship and his actions influenced by this anxiety are what led to her dumping him as he was fairly jealous and untrusting. needless to say he is pretty insecure. however it seems the break-up was more a relief for him, this anxiety had been lifted off his shoulders. And they still see eachother, its as though nothing has changed.
So this leads me to think that
A. the label and the rules associated with that label have a deep impact on a lot of people
and B. people who base their relationships according to the rules of a label rather than the specific needs and desires of the individuals involved are less likely to have fulfilling, healthy relationships.
sorry if this was a little long winded.
I hope it wasnt all hot air.

By: andrea

andrea — Mon, 12 Jan 2004 22:15:00 +0000

i’d do it all again. i always believe that because i like myself, i have to accept my entire past… because without it, i wouldn’t be who i am. plus i am so damn happy right now with my life and my relationship and i know i never could have gotten here without those experiences.

By: jodi

jodi — Mon, 12 Jan 2004 16:29:04 +0000

tam, that’s probably why i like you so much.

By: Tam

Tam — Mon, 12 Jan 2004 16:01:43 +0000

I’d do them all – even the ones that don’t appear to be worth it – because they all taught me something about human nature or myself no matter how insignificant.

Although, if I went in knowing how it would end, I’d make sure I hurt them as much as they hurt me. But I’m just bitter and angry like that.