If, hypothetically speaking, you were trying to keep your true feelings from someone like… oh, I don’t know, TTHM for example… someone you were in a budding relationship with, then it could be viewed two ways:

1) You’re trying to have him learn about “you” from you; Having someone know what you were doing today, what you were thinking today, what you were feeling today and you haven’t even kissed him hello, well, that’s a very unnerving feeling. Last time I checked, you weren’t looking for a psychic, just a guy to take care of who takes care of you.

2) You’re scared. Shitless, even. You’ve been damaged by boys who use your feelings and needs to their advantage, and then discard you. You’ve documented as such here numerous times. You’ve said how you don’t feel loveable, yet you want to be loved. You’ve also said that if TTHM, or anyone, were to get to know the real you, they’d take off running.

The questions you might want to ask yourself are many. Are you withholding details because now there’s this MAN (not just some boy)who reads your blog, and this man could use your intimate details against you? Are you withholding details because you don’t want this man to know the “real you”, and, in your self-deprecating logic, he’ll leave you? Are you merely trying to have something new to talk to him about?

My advice for you is to be YOU. If your nature is to lay it all out on the line, then do so; Don’t let your self-fufilling prophetic abandonment defense mechanisms turn on. Maybe he’s not getting close to you through duplicitous blog perusal, but because he truly and deeply is developing feelings for you. I know you’re scared, at least a little, but if you keep throwing obstacles, internal or external, you will sour any emotions that may be desperately yearning for exploriation.

Do what you need to, Jodi, but don’t hurt yourself… or him…