two aspects strike me as interesting – the military clothing and the gas station episode.

the military clothes could mean different things, depending on your feelings toward the military. i’d guess you’re politically liberal, and probably regard the armed forces as a necessity for the country, but that you aren’t particularly comfortable with them. there may also be some confusion as to military authority: they generally aren’t directly “in charge” of us, but they are the guys with the guns/power. there is an odd sense of both connection and separation from them. how often do we run into the military in our daily lives? but if some colonel gave you an order, you’d probably do what he said, no? so i’d interpret making your bio. father one of “them” as evidence of your uncertainty over how he fits into the paternal role. the focus on the shiny buttons shows an interest in and a respect for him, but the overarching tone is that of intimidation. mitigating factors would be his smaller than expected stature (though note that he nonetheless filled the doorway), his age, and the presence of children who loved him.

overlooking all gross freudian symbols of a gas station, it is interesting. you were going there for a fill-up, literally to fuel yourself to continue your journey. significantly, you had to do this yourself – there was no parent to do it for you. while this is empowering, the high cost of doing so (emotionally?) left you “horrified,” indicating that you on some level seek more nurturing, more help. compounding these bad feelings was the fact that the father was there buying candy bars for his other children– while you have to fend for yourself with the fuel (and it doesn’t seem like too much to consider this your sustenance), a necessity, he is purchasing luxuries, treats, for his other children. this would indicate to me that on some level you feel you need your father, and that he is choosing others over you.

i’m glad, jodi, for the swank jeep you gave yourself. i think you deserve it (and i think you know that, too). and don’t forget that you were able to buy your own gas. also, remember that he’s your blood – he might be just as scared to meet you as you are to meet him.

this has gone on too long, but i’ve had a similar situation and your fears spoke to me. good luck to you!