“i don’t want to be the up-the-butt girl. i want to get married and have nice bedding, no one has ever heard of Mrs. up-the-butt,”

While I agree it’s a clever and amusing line from Sex In the City, I disagree with the philosophy behind it (pun intended).

That sort of argument is based on the idea that kinky, naughty girls aren’t “nice”, ie not marriage material. It’s a common myth.

Many young male pals in college expressed their frustrations to me over finding a long-term mate, and when asked what they wanted, invariably they had a list of ‘contradictions’: beautiful and humble, innocent and smart, sexy and virginal, independent and submissive, kinky and monogamous.
When I pointed out that they were setting themselves up for disappointment by wanting mutually exclusive qualities, they usually got impatient and flustered. Then I asked, would it work if she were a talented actress who could *pretend* to be all these things? And after a stunned hesitation, most of them said yes.

So it’s not that there aren’t any Mrs. Up-The-Butts out there. Just that those of us who are, are very good at acting innocent and virginal. 🙂
I hope you don’t decide not to like me now that I’ve made a major confession.