50 Ways to Leave Your Lover*, Ranked

I’ve been obsessed with Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” for a few weeks. I throw back my head and sing, “hop on the bus, Gus, don’t need to discuss much” at least 50 times a day.

  1. Hop on the bus, Gus
  2. Don’t need to be coy, Roy
  3. Make a new plan, Stan
  4. Slip out the back, Jack
  5. Just drop off the key, Lee
  6. Go to a deserted isle, Kyle
  7. Find a new hen, Ben
  8. Flip her the bird, Turd
  9. Just get gone, Don
  10. Blame it blight, Dwight
  11. Drop off the Earth, Mearth

*Look, if Paul Simon couldn’t be bothered to write more than five actual ways to leave your lover then I’m not going to write FORTY-FIVE more ways just to be funny. Six extra ways is plenty.

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