HellBlanket & Other Good Intentions

editor’s note: In an earlier draft I spelled intentions wrong roughly 50% of the time in this post including in the title & the image. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m using the term “editor” very loosely. Also that I’m kind of a dummy.

Sometime in March my nephew Nolan, 13, was over for dinner. When he spied a pile of black and grey granny-square strips he asked if I was ever going to finish his Christmas present.

“I’ll have it done by Easter,” I said. Because I like to believe I work better under a deadline and really the “Christmas” deadline was a stupid pipe dream as was the “by your birthday” (which is January 14th). Un my defense I do make all the gifts for my niblings and so.

Easter came and went with almost no mention of the blanket, until Jaycie via Skype from the UofO started talking about some blanket she made, which involved the tying together of two pieces of microfleece. And not to demean her efforts or anything, but the stupid blanket I am making for Nolan involves like 445 individual granny square, each of which takes nine minutes to make, and then they have to be joined and then the strips of joined grannies have to be joined again and it’s a never-ending ellBlanketTM. I hope he likes it or at least uses it as a sort of shroud for me when I finish it and then promptly die.

This post isn’t even about HellBlanketTM. This is a post about how all my best intentions seems to dissipate into the wind and I don’t know if this is because I am inherently lazy or inherently flaky or if it’s some other as-yet-unnamed character flaw.

What I am saying here is that Nolan’s HellBlanketTM still isn’t done, though it’s really, truly almost done and will be complete by the next Bob’s Burgers Night*.

What I’m really saying is that the blanket is just a symbol of all my good intentions that go right into the crapper about 12 minutes after I intend them. Like my intention to blog more regularly every month or not to eat so many chicken nuggets or to finally, finally, finally get serious about writing the bowling alley short story collection. I have these intentions every month and I do really well for about a day. Then, the next thing I know, it’s the 29th and I’m waking up from a nugget coma smeared with honey mustard, haven’t blogged in like two weeks, and yet somehow managed to re-watch the entirety of Scrubs, even the super shitty Med School season.

What is wrong with me?

What do I have to do keep starting each paragraph with the word what?

What I intend to do with this blog post is list my best intentions for the month. I saw this concept on Shutterbean, only she does this weekly because she is not a garbage human. I’m going to try it monthly to see if I can ungarbage myself.

So here are my intentions for May:

  • Finish the HellBlanketTM (this one is a little cheatery because I really only need to finish the edging but I’m the type of woman who makes ToDo lists and always includes one thing I’ve already done just so I can start out on a positive note)
  • Write four non-book review blog posts & two book reviews
  • Hand in the MN Artists’ Initiative Grant by May 18th (it’s due May 19th)
  • Query four more agents
  • Submit ROCK & ROLL LOUDMOUTH to Milkweed during their open reading submissions

There. That’s a good start right? I can do those things this month. At least I think I can. Goal setting has never been a strength of mine, which is why whenever I accomplish anything it surprises the fuck out of me.

Here’s to good intentions

*The Tibbles & I have instituted bi-weekly Bob’s Burger nights where we cook something from The Bob’s Burgers Burger Book: Real Recipes for Joke Burgers. So far we’ve done “Bet it All on Black Garlic” and “Baby, You Can Chive my Car” . And let me tell you it takes some kind of deep love to allow teenage boys to deep fry pickles in your house, and not just pickles but anything because deep frying is stinky and dirty and my house has just stopped smelling like a fast food joint even though we made the pickles on Saturday.

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