My brain has been a little mushy lately. The one-two combination of Tibble Summer with an idea for a new book has taxed my neurons to the limit leaving me distracted and prone to insomnia. Also, with Sister #2 & Max in town (Jaycie is in Spain, Ben is in Singapore) I’ve been social as fuck. As fuck, darling ones.
Like, for instance, I’ve talked to people with my mouth nearly every day for the past two weeks. That’s a lot of talking. I’m surprised I have found so many words to say since my brain is running at about 35%.
This is why I forgot my wallet today.
First, I forgot to tell you, my garage door is broken. Boy howdy, is this a bigger pain in the ass than one would think. I heard the spring that winds the door up and down snap on Thursday morning. Of course, when I heard it I thought something had toppled from the tower of Sister #4’s garbage waterbed furniture that has been in my garage since she moved out in 2007.
I thought nothing of the weird noise and went about getting my stuff ready for a day in TibbleTown. I loaded up my arms with coffee, water bottle, bag, leftover Pad Thai, and garbage since it was garbage day. I hit the opener with my elbow and the door rose about three inches and stopped. I then proceeded to hit the damn thing about 821 times before I realized it was broken.
Because I am resourceful, I tried to open the damn thing myself using pure muscle. Either I have the heaviest garage door in the known world, or my muscles are pointless. Sister #2 came to rescue me and now I have to get my garage door fixed.
Only I keep forgetting to call the garage door fixers. Because of the aforementioned brain depletion.
Parking in the driveway is annoying. So is the fact that my garage door won’t shut all the way. Also, having to remember your keys all the time (usually I just leave them in Ruby’s ignition) is annoying. Also, rolling up your windows. And, then there’s groceries.
Today I went grocery shopping for the first time since like 1978. Things were going great. Elsie, the very nice cashier who always greets me by name (that’s right, here comes a regular, indeed), and I were talking about the weather, she was ringing up all my red peppers (4 for $5) and when she asked for my Cub’s Rewards card. I dug around in my reusable grocery bags for my wallet and it wasn’t there.
I had forgotten my wallet.
My face immediately burst into flames and sweat covered my entire body. I had zero dollars and zero cents in my pockets and even if I did have cash on me, I’d never have enough to cover my groceries.
And while I was dying from 50 shades of embarrassment, Elsie was all, “No bigs. Just pack ’em up, park your cart, and come back with your wallet.”
And I did. And I got my groceries and I hauled them through the living room to the kitchen and then I sat down and put a reminder in Ziggy to call the damn garage fixers, because somehow this is all the garage door’s fault.
There’s like a disturbance in my force and I’m not dealing with it very well at all.
Next on I Will Dare: 600 words about something even more boring than forgetting your wallet at home. Stay tuned for all the exciting details.