17 Reasons I am the Worst First Date Ever

Last night I had dinner at BFK & Atom’s house. It was a sort of Rock & Roll Bookclub, or at least it was supposed to be only I never got around to reading the book and the Wolfpack were absent. So instead we just drank whiskey, ate pizza, and deconstructed the first first date I’ve been on in about 88 years.

I hadn’t planned on discussing The DateTM with anyone. It was going to be a tiny secret I kept tucked inside me and enjoyed on my own. That little resolution lasted for about 83 seconds after I arrived at the home of two of my best friends.

“I WENT ON A DATE LAST NIGHT!” I shouted.
“WHAT?” BFK screeched.
“Does he know about your blog?” Atom asked. (He doesn’t.)

I then proceeded to regale them with tales of my first date with a handsome, sweet, age-appropriate, almost as tall as me man. I guess I hadn’t really had a chance to debrief about the date, even in my own brain, so I subjected my friends to a sort of stream of consciousness rambling. And because they love me they tolerated it. Until. . .

“Wait, wait,” BFK said. “You talked about abortion?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“On a first date?”
“Mmmmhmmm,” I nodded my head.
“What else did you talk about?” Atom asked.

So here, I present to you a list of topics my nervous, chattering monkey brain decided were totally first date appropriate. Please imagine me discussing these things with my usual passionate vehemence while I stared mesmerized by a beautiful belly dancer.

  1. Abortion and a woman’s right to choose.
  2. Communism
  3. Birth control & early sex education
  4. Rape and rape culture
  5. Universal health care
  6. Socialism
  7. Enthusiastic consent when it comes to sex (“How hard is it to say ‘Do you wanna?'” are words that actually came out of my mouth)
  8. Classism
  9. Capital punishment
  10. How much I hate going to movies because I get bored
  11. Comicbooks
  12. Feminism
  13. Feminism
  14. I think we talked a little bit about me being a feminist
  15. My strong anti-marriage for me stance
  16. How I’ve never seen StarWars
  17. A bunch of things about him I will not reveal because he doesn’t know about this blog

BFK is convinced I’m the best first date ever. Atom is convinced I should let him sit a table away from me on all future first dates. I am convinced I will probably never be asked by a man to leave my house again.

Line forms here, dudes.

P.S. he texted me yesterday but there are as yet no plans for a second date, and I can’t very well say I blame him at all.

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1 Comment

  1. Dennis 30.Apr.15 at 12:36 pm

    At less you are not so alone after to all. Well some already we arrived late
    Good luck in this experience
    Dennis

    Reply

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