Ever since I started the agent query process, I have become addicted to looking at I Will Dare’s stats. I’ve convinced myself that I will be able to discern literary interest by studying the IP addresses of everyone who visits this site. Shut up, it works for me.
So lately, it’s like 2002 all over again. That’s just a vague guess as to when this site first got a stat counter. These days you can get paid a lot of money to study Google Analytics and such, but back in the olden days I had no fucking clue about these elusive things called hits or page views. I kind of figured the only person reading my website besides me was this guy named Tim from St. Louis who I knew through alt.music.soulcoughing. It was on USENET, go look it up.
So I got a stat counter because that’s what all the cool kids were doing. I got comments too, which was a lot of fucking work to implement on a blog back in 2001 (or 2002, I can’t remember I am old and it was a long time ago). When I first found out I could kind of see all the people who visited my website, I was drunk with power and refreshed that bad boy on a pretty regular basis. But as the numbers waxed and waned, it started to infect my writing. I questioned every thing I posted, which might be hard to believe considering the sheer number of absolute bullshit that is most of I Will Dare for the first fiveish years, but whatever. I was finding my voice.
Anyway, at some point along the way I decided I was not my stat counter and that it didn’t matter if one person read I Will Dare or if one million people read it. It was merely a venue for me to say what I wanted. This belief has severed me well because I am also not my number of Twitter followers or Facebook friends or whatever thing we are using to measure ourselves against each other on the Internet today.
One thing I did love about the stats was the search terms that brought people to I Will Dare. I used to write about them all the time, but then I stopped because I have a short attention span. Tonight however, I saw a question that someone googled and brought them to I Will Dare and that was what made me dust off this feature.
And, for the record, I’m pretty sure if this entire website were devoted to nothing but being a 6’5″ woman who watches Dawson’s Creek it’d be the most popular joint on the entire Internet.
So, here goes.
Q: Is 5 foot 6 too short to date?
A: No. You are totally worthy of dating no matter how tall you are. I promise.
Q: What are the best Flintstones episodes?
A: These ones.
Q: Do Dawson and Joey sleep together?
A: Yes, at the end of the first episode of the sixth season.
Q: What would River Phoenix look like today?
A: A stone-cold fox is my guess.
Q: What is Cherie Currie’s age?
Q: How did kids dress in the 70’s?
A: Like this.
Q: What is the meaning of ‘Keep passing the open windows?
A: It means please do not kill yourself because I love you and would miss you if you weren’t around.
Q: What to wear to a Bret Michaels’ concert?
A: Tank top and cowboy hat. Works for both men and women.
Q: Is it rare for women to be 6’5 tall?
A: Yes. I think it’s something like .07% of US women are taller than 5’10”. A doctor once told me I am a statistical anomaly. I’ve been alive for forty-two years and I’ve never, not once ever in my entire life met a woman as tall as I am. I’ve never even met a woman nearly as tall as I am. I think may 6-feet is the tallest.
How big is Superman’s junk?
A: I don’t know but now I want to know.
Q: What can you call freakishly tall girls?
A: Their names.
Q: Why did McCarthy not use apostrophes in The Road?
A: Because he’s an annoying dick, that’s why.