Writing My Obit Before Dying of Rage

Colleen McCullough, the woman who wrote The Thorn Birds died today. This is the lead paragraph from her obituary in The Australian:

Colleen McCullough, Australias best selling author, was a charmer. Plain of feature, and certainly overweight, she was, nevertheless, a woman of wit and warmth. In one interview, she said: Ive never been into clothes or figure and the interesting thing is I never had any trouble attracting men.

I’m not even kidding. I did not make that up. It’s not from The Onion. This was written in a national newspaper about the best selling author in the country. An author who was also a neurophysiologist who taught at Yale.

SHE WAS A THING I CANNOT EVEN SPELL AT YALE! and they started her obit about her plain looks, weight, and how despite being plain and fat she still attracted men.

I’m going to go die of rage now.

You can use this for my obit:
Jodi Chromey, America’s least-known blogger, was a big’un. Smart of mouth, and certainly overweight, she was, nevertheless, a woman of wit and occasional warmth. In one tweet, she said: “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS OBIT BULLSHIT.” Also, she had no fucking clue about men.

You’re welcome future obit writers of America. Also please use that picture of me from 1988 in my obit, because that shit is hilarious.

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1 Comment

  1. Catherine 30.Jan.15 at 12:22 am

    Are you Fucking kidding me?! At first I thought the fact that McCullough died was the joke and The Onion was just being their rude and obnoxious selves but she did and this is what they wrote. WTF?!

    I can’t even articulate how much this pisses me off. I never read The Thornbirds because it was too girly for me but her series on Caesar was some of the most intelligently crafted, readable and researched historical fiction I have ever read.

    Shame on them. Just shame on them.

    Reply

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