Break-Up Advice for Ryan Adams I am Totally Qualified to Give Because. . .

“Dear Chicago” is my #1 all-time most played song according to Last.fm and of course I have been through my fair share of break-ups and therefore my advice is stellar.

First, Ryan, if you would like a shoulder to cry on, I have two. You are more than welcome to them. I mean, after all, you did give me “Dear Chicago” which is one of my favorite songs whenever my heart feels a little sore. It’s not my go-to breakup song, but we’ll get to that in a bit.

Second, I am sorry to hear about the split with your wife Mandy Moore. That must suck.

Third, in the immortal words of my friend FFJ, “don’t blog about it.” You can interpret that to mean whatever you like.

Fourth, I would suggest you get some of your favorite snack foods and then curl up in front of your favorite guilty pleasure TV and watch your favorite episodes. If you want, you can come over and watch my “Dawson’s Creek” DVDs. I would highly recommend those final few eps of Season 3. You get the one-two gut punch of Junior Prom followed by Mitch & Gail’s wedding. Plus, it features Dawson’s cryface which is a good reminder that one day you will laugh again, probably the second you see Dawson’s cryface because that shit is hilarious.

Fifth, Matthew Sweet’s “Someone to Pull the Trigger” on repeat. Trust me on this one.

Sixth, repeat steps four and five without bothering to shower until you’re ready for Ani DiFranco’s Untouchable Face. Once you get there hold that one in your heart, get off the couch, and take a shower. How do you know you’re ready for Ani. Well, Joey will have slept with Dawson but have not yet gotten trapped in the KMart with Pacey.

It will be okay, Ryan. Good luck.

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2 Comments

  1. Angela S 27.Jan.15 at 9:51 pm

    Oh thank god someone I like is writing about Mandy and Ryan! I have to admit I care more about this celebrity break-up than most others. Well, I care at all, which is more than I care about other celeb couples. I really just wanted these crazy kids to make it! They seem so different yet I love them both.

    Oh wait, you aren’t just posting this because you want Ryan Adams for yourself, are you?

    Reply
    1. Jodi 27.Jan.15 at 9:54 pm

      I mean if he doesn’t want to be with Mandy, I will take him.

      But I’m with you on the super-bumming about this particular celebrity break-up. I really wanted them to make it too, probably because they were so different. She seemed like a really good influence on him.

      Reply

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