One: As I was heading to get a lemon (my local, not-super Target has a few fresh fruits and vegetables) I passed by the birthday party aisle where a woman and a little kid who was probably four or five were shopping.
“Does this say happy birthday?” the little kid asked as I passed.
“Yes, it does,” the woman who was probably the mom said.
“I thought so,” the kid said getting louder as he/she got more excited. “I THOUGHT I COULD READ BUT NOW I KNOW I CAN. I’M SO HAPPY.” The kid was shouting by the time he/she finished his/her sentence.
Interlude: I thought about going back and high-fiving that kid but by then I was in the toothpaste aisle on the never-ending quest for cinnamon-flavored dental floss. I’m pretty sure I could find a Sasaquatch, the Yeti, the Loch-Ness Monster, and probably a suitable boyfriend before I find cinnamon-flavored dental floss. For real people, if you find some buy it. You could probably auction that shit off on eBay for some serious cash.
Two: While I was searching for cinnamon-flavored dental floss, a woman entered the toothpaste aisle. She was talking loudly on a cell phone. I didn’t catch what she was saying, but that’s only because I was too busy laughing about how she had not one not two but THREE copies of Fifty Shades of Grey cradled in her arm. Like I said on Twitter, I wasn’t sure if she were buying them for her bookclub or if they were Mother’s Day Gifts. Both options crack me up.